Has been really long since i wrote the last blog post entry. Was busy having way too much fun in coimbatore and now in delhi.
Offices tend to become very boring when u have not much to do or when u have lot to do but u just don feel like. Even more so if u are stuffed in small classroom/labs/cubicals and u feel like chicken stuffed in cages in a poultry shop. But then office aint such a bad place if u figure out ways to kill time in office. Following are some of my favorites:
1. I have been daily spending atleast an hour at www.theoatmeal.com. Read PJs, comics and take quizzes till u feel u are retarded and by the time u feel that way... u would notice its 6 in evening and time for u to get out of that hellhole. If that's not enough for you... read PJs and hurl them at coworkers when and where u can, till they beg you to stop and threaten to either commit suicide or stab you.
2. Play solitaire. It is THE classic way of killing time and is highly addictive. My best time is 50 secs flat.. try beating that. In case u cant find solitaire on the system in your workplace, probably it has been deleted by system admin. But solitaire comes preinstalled on windows and mostly system admins just delete shortcut. Try hitting Windows+R and type sol.exe and hit enter. Enjaay...!!
3. U can try playing games online. www.helicopterflash.net has been my all time favorite. U can also try www.notdoppler.com/multitask.php... see how good u are at multitasking and try playing multiple mini games at a time.
4. First thing that i bought with my first salary was a sony mp3 player. Office is the best place to listen to music. Hit the shuffle and turn up the volume and let your boss fist himself all he wants. U don have to give a damn.
5. If u work in an IT company, there ought to be quite some hot chicks in your office. Find a hot chick to flirt with and see how time flies by ;). If u are the shy types... firstly, u don deserve to live but by the time u figure out ways to commit suicide u can mingle with co workers. Just remember to talk bout anything in this world BUT work.
6. Work for 5 days and u get off only for 2 days... doesnt sound fair, does it? But then there is nothing much u can do bout it.. can ya? But you can sure kill some time in office planning for the weekend. Find out wat movie is in town and try booking their tickets. Find out frenz who are in town for the weekend and arrange to catch up with them over a round of tequila shots/beer. Best thing bout planning for weekend is, u know wat u are doing the moment u are out of office at 6:30 on friday. Wasting even a minute of weekend is a regrettable crime. U can also plan how to spend your salary if your payday is just round the corner... nothing gives u enough joy as much as spending your salary does.. :P.
7. Read blogs. Blogs are best for wasting time. Find out some good ones and visit them regularly. Here are some of my favorites.. http://nonsenseofkaushik.blogspot.com and http://www.dilbert.com/blog/. U can visit this page often coz its gonna get updated with some imba psychobabble pretty frequently from now on. Read posts and drop comments if u feel they are worth it.
8. Write a blog post. Spend time researching for it. BTW this blogpost has been written in office... have wasted solid 1 hr till now and there is only hour left before i'm outta here.
9. All time favorite... sleep. Catch up with some sleep in office. U feel fresher and can stay up till late in night... watch movies, talk on phone to ya galfren all night etc etc. Whatever u do will be worth much more than wat u do at office... so zzzzz.... and don snore. N don get cocky dreams... u don wanna wake up with a boner and someone asking u to stand up and explain why u were sleeping in office!! :O
10. Pull up some practical prank in office. Put a cellotape behind ur co worker's computer mouse and watch them figure out why their mouse while u have hard time controlling your laughter. Now is that evil or what...:)
11. Google is can also help you kill time!!!. Just type "How" or "what" or "when" in google search textbox and see what comes up in the autocomplete. Some of them are as weird as "How to get pregnant?" or "When will i get married?".. ROFL. Type something general and click on I'm feeling lucky... if u are lucky u would find something to kill time with.
12. Check out some uber cool chic pics in office if u are allowed that is... www.maxim.com and www.kingfishercalendar.com is amongst my favorite.
So have some fun and save yourself from death outta boredom while at work. I'm accepting gifts and donations if u feel like. Send them over... and no, we don like chillars and no we don accept cheques.
Disclaimer: The author of this blogpost does not take any responsibility whatsoever regarding the content on this page and will not take any blame if u loose your job following his advice. On the other hand if it so happens that u lose ur job... beer on me on saturday evening. This is least author can do for you... :P.
Peace... ciao till next post.
Monday, March 29
Thursday, November 19
Sunday Bloody Sunday!!!...
Sunday usually means for me and my family a grand feast of vegetable and fruit salad along with either Chicken or Mutton Biryani or Fried Fish served with coriander chutney along with extra salad on sideys. Go easy on breakfast and hog in lunch... kinda like brunch, Gluttony at its best. My mom cooks best Biryani ever. She is world famous (atleast in my khandaan) for her Biryani. Ppl have turned carnivores by just the smell of Biryani cooking in our kitchen while she is at it. At least my cousin sister did turn into a passionate carnivore thanks to my insisting her to try mom’s biryaani. She was a carnivore and used to love digging into fish before she entered senior secondary. Things changed then, she made frenz with some gals who thought eating chicken/fish/any kinda flesh is so goddamned “EWWWW...”. If that wasn’t enough, she got carried away by stupid preachings of some religious guru and swore never to eat animals (that’s how they put it... ). Anyhow, common sense prevailed and thanks to me recently she turned into a passionate carnivore. She recently got engaged and her fiancé is a big time foodie too and loves chicken more than anything on this mother earth and was literally petrified at the thought that my cousin sister will make him quit eating non-veg too pyaar ke khaatir and all that. He owes me a big thank you now.. ;).
Any freaking ways, I love eating non-veg. When in college, going to eat out usually meant ordering only chicken. Vegetarians were outcasts. Me and my roomie (Harry) along with all our frenz were big time foodies and used to pity Vegetarians. We carnivores have chicken gravys, Tandoori chicken legs and breasts, Fried wings, mutton biryani, fried shrimps, chilly pork (the list can go on till whole world is covered thrice) to hog on and what have vegetarians got as options for eating out.. “freaking PANEER”. Paneer yeh and paneer woh... and it sucks if you ask me. Its like Nataraj Eraser dropped in gravy or at times fried and covered in sauce.
Some of u might not agree... u have all the right not to agree, free democratic nation after all. Vegetables are good, not denying that, even tasty at times. But paneer finger with beer does kinda suck... there is nothing better than tandoori chicken and Beer. This is national Punjabi combo and how can one not love it?
I don’t like being called a non-vegetarian, I prefer being called a carnivore. Non-vegetarian is a very negative word, makes me feel as if i’m doing something terribly wrong. “What!! u eat non-vegetables??”. Excuse my PJ’s, send me hate mails if you want.
I might go to hell for gluttony for sure... but so be it, i think its worth it. On top of that I eat innocent goats and chickens for my lunch... how bloody cruel of me. Oh my god, I think in HELL I’ll be tied to a big fucking pole, one end of which vanishes in the clouds with nothing around me, not even a shrub. There ll be scorching sun right over my head and I’ll be tied to that pole of infinite length in midst of desert with nothing on me.... stark naked!!. I’ll see a big cloud of dust at the horizon coming towards me. I squint my eyes to see a herd of goats running towards me. I realize that it is more like a sea of goats (rather than just a herd) a few moments latter and i can see anger in their eyes. Now m terrified and turn to see to see to my left that there is another flock of chickens running towards me doing “pakaak pakaak” in anger and stumbling on each other. And in my right i can see prawns and shrimps coming out of desert sand and gathering near my feet. I’ve never felt so helpless in my whole life and i close my eyes outta fear. I keep my eyes forced shut for a minute expecting worst to happen... but nothing. There is silence around me. I open my eyes slowly one at a time still petrified and through the settling dust i see one of the goats approaching towards me from the herd and looks me into eye and says “What u staring at?? We all died just so that u could fill that evil bottomless pit that u call tummy. Now the time has come... We’ll do to you what u have done to us. What u do unto others, same happens to u ... That’s wat happens in hell. Now u die MOTHERFUCKER”. I saw this and passed out, probably partly out of fear and partly out of surprise that a goat could talk and swear at me!!!.
But jokes apart, have u ever thought that even plants are living beings. Going by same logic that u should not eat living beings, u shouldn’t eat plants either. Just coz they can’t move around or making noises doesn’t mean they are not living beings. What if they have feelings too? What if they cry when they are uprooted or when they are robbed of their children, i.e. fruits? What if they shed tears when u rob them of their vegetables? U should just stop eating i say OR u can try not use ur head so much and eat whatever u like, “Its a goddamned food cycle, don look at me like that. Shut up and eat ur chicken leg”.
In fact i rather feel guilty when i drink milk. A healthy cow is supposed to give not more than 3 litres of milk per day. But they are injected with synthetic drugs so that they would give 8-10 litres of milk every day. And as obvious, that healthy cow which could have lived for another ten years dies in next three years. We do not just milk cows, we fucking murder them for milk. How is that now??
But i don wanna start centuries old debate... To be or not to be Vegetarian. I'm a carnivore and m very happy with that.
Good for u if u are a vegetarian, at least there is enough chicken left for me. And good for u if i’m a carnivore, at least there are enough vegetables for u.
But wat is more important is that we do not alienate ourselves from our food sources. In this time of Mc Donalds and KFC all that comes to our mind we someone says chicken is a crispy fried peice of chicken leg. Have u ever seen a wheat farm?? Have u ever seen a chicken being killed and skinned?? Have u ever seen a goat’s throat being slit before he becomes ur mutton??
Thanks to onslaught of packaged food, tremendous competition in retail fast food business and increasing population, there is a tremendous pressure on all food sources to keep our stomachs filled. So much so that we are ready to take the risk of trying genetically modified food, we pump our farms with never ending supplies of synthetic fertilizers and pesticides and we inject our livestocks with fatal synthetic drugs. We have forgot what organic food is, we have forgot where does our food actually comes from.
This reminds me of a video i had seen somewhere about how stupid Umreekans are. A five year old girl goes to local zoo with her mother. Her mother shows her a hen in cage and asks her “What is this?”. Girl quips and says “Chicken nuggets”!!!.
Eat healthy and stay healthy. Chop chop...
Any freaking ways, I love eating non-veg. When in college, going to eat out usually meant ordering only chicken. Vegetarians were outcasts. Me and my roomie (Harry) along with all our frenz were big time foodies and used to pity Vegetarians. We carnivores have chicken gravys, Tandoori chicken legs and breasts, Fried wings, mutton biryani, fried shrimps, chilly pork (the list can go on till whole world is covered thrice) to hog on and what have vegetarians got as options for eating out.. “freaking PANEER”. Paneer yeh and paneer woh... and it sucks if you ask me. Its like Nataraj Eraser dropped in gravy or at times fried and covered in sauce.
Some of u might not agree... u have all the right not to agree, free democratic nation after all. Vegetables are good, not denying that, even tasty at times. But paneer finger with beer does kinda suck... there is nothing better than tandoori chicken and Beer. This is national Punjabi combo and how can one not love it?
I don’t like being called a non-vegetarian, I prefer being called a carnivore. Non-vegetarian is a very negative word, makes me feel as if i’m doing something terribly wrong. “What!! u eat non-vegetables??”. Excuse my PJ’s, send me hate mails if you want.
I might go to hell for gluttony for sure... but so be it, i think its worth it. On top of that I eat innocent goats and chickens for my lunch... how bloody cruel of me. Oh my god, I think in HELL I’ll be tied to a big fucking pole, one end of which vanishes in the clouds with nothing around me, not even a shrub. There ll be scorching sun right over my head and I’ll be tied to that pole of infinite length in midst of desert with nothing on me.... stark naked!!. I’ll see a big cloud of dust at the horizon coming towards me. I squint my eyes to see a herd of goats running towards me. I realize that it is more like a sea of goats (rather than just a herd) a few moments latter and i can see anger in their eyes. Now m terrified and turn to see to see to my left that there is another flock of chickens running towards me doing “pakaak pakaak” in anger and stumbling on each other. And in my right i can see prawns and shrimps coming out of desert sand and gathering near my feet. I’ve never felt so helpless in my whole life and i close my eyes outta fear. I keep my eyes forced shut for a minute expecting worst to happen... but nothing. There is silence around me. I open my eyes slowly one at a time still petrified and through the settling dust i see one of the goats approaching towards me from the herd and looks me into eye and says “What u staring at?? We all died just so that u could fill that evil bottomless pit that u call tummy. Now the time has come... We’ll do to you what u have done to us. What u do unto others, same happens to u ... That’s wat happens in hell. Now u die MOTHERFUCKER”. I saw this and passed out, probably partly out of fear and partly out of surprise that a goat could talk and swear at me!!!.
But jokes apart, have u ever thought that even plants are living beings. Going by same logic that u should not eat living beings, u shouldn’t eat plants either. Just coz they can’t move around or making noises doesn’t mean they are not living beings. What if they have feelings too? What if they cry when they are uprooted or when they are robbed of their children, i.e. fruits? What if they shed tears when u rob them of their vegetables? U should just stop eating i say OR u can try not use ur head so much and eat whatever u like, “Its a goddamned food cycle, don look at me like that. Shut up and eat ur chicken leg”.
In fact i rather feel guilty when i drink milk. A healthy cow is supposed to give not more than 3 litres of milk per day. But they are injected with synthetic drugs so that they would give 8-10 litres of milk every day. And as obvious, that healthy cow which could have lived for another ten years dies in next three years. We do not just milk cows, we fucking murder them for milk. How is that now??
But i don wanna start centuries old debate... To be or not to be Vegetarian. I'm a carnivore and m very happy with that.
Good for u if u are a vegetarian, at least there is enough chicken left for me. And good for u if i’m a carnivore, at least there are enough vegetables for u.
But wat is more important is that we do not alienate ourselves from our food sources. In this time of Mc Donalds and KFC all that comes to our mind we someone says chicken is a crispy fried peice of chicken leg. Have u ever seen a wheat farm?? Have u ever seen a chicken being killed and skinned?? Have u ever seen a goat’s throat being slit before he becomes ur mutton??
Thanks to onslaught of packaged food, tremendous competition in retail fast food business and increasing population, there is a tremendous pressure on all food sources to keep our stomachs filled. So much so that we are ready to take the risk of trying genetically modified food, we pump our farms with never ending supplies of synthetic fertilizers and pesticides and we inject our livestocks with fatal synthetic drugs. We have forgot what organic food is, we have forgot where does our food actually comes from.
This reminds me of a video i had seen somewhere about how stupid Umreekans are. A five year old girl goes to local zoo with her mother. Her mother shows her a hen in cage and asks her “What is this?”. Girl quips and says “Chicken nuggets”!!!.
Eat healthy and stay healthy. Chop chop...
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