Sunday Bloody Sunday!!!...

Sunday usually means for me and my family a grand feast of vegetable and fruit salad along with either Chicken or Mutton Biryani or Fried Fish served with coriander chutney along with extra salad on sideys. Go easy on breakfast and hog in lunch... kinda like brunch, Gluttony at its best. My mom cooks best Biryani ever. She is world famous (atleast in my khandaan) for her Biryani. Ppl have turned carnivores by just the smell of Biryani cooking in our kitchen while she is at it. At least my cousin sister did turn into a passionate carnivore thanks to my insisting her to try mom’s biryaani. She was a carnivore and used to love digging into fish before she entered senior secondary. Things changed then, she made frenz with some gals who thought eating chicken/fish/any kinda flesh is so goddamned “EWWWW...”. If that wasn’t enough, she got carried away by stupid preachings of some religious guru and swore never to eat animals (that’s how they put it... ). Anyhow, common sense prevailed and thanks to me recently she turned into a passionate carnivore. She recently got engaged and her fiancé is a big time foodie too and loves chicken more than anything on this mother earth and was literally petrified at the thought that my cousin sister will make him quit eating non-veg too pyaar ke khaatir and all that. He owes me a big thank you now.. ;).

Any freaking ways, I love eating non-veg. When in college, going to eat out usually meant ordering only chicken. Vegetarians were outcasts. Me and my roomie (Harry) along with all our frenz were big time foodies and used to pity Vegetarians. We carnivores have chicken gravys, Tandoori chicken legs and breasts, Fried wings, mutton biryani, fried shrimps, chilly pork (the list can go on till whole world is covered thrice) to hog on and what have vegetarians got as options for eating out.. “freaking PANEER”. Paneer yeh and paneer woh... and it sucks if you ask me. Its like Nataraj Eraser dropped in gravy or at times fried and covered in sauce.

Some of u might not agree... u have all the right not to agree, free democratic nation after all. Vegetables are good, not denying that, even tasty at times. But paneer finger with beer does kinda suck... there is nothing better than tandoori chicken and Beer. This is national Punjabi combo and how can one not love it?
I don’t like being called a non-vegetarian, I prefer being called a carnivore. Non-vegetarian is a very negative word, makes me feel as if i’m doing something terribly wrong. “What!! u eat non-vegetables??”. Excuse my PJ’s, send me hate mails if you want.

I might go to hell for gluttony for sure... but so be it, i think its worth it. On top of that I eat innocent goats and chickens for my lunch... how bloody cruel of me. Oh my god, I think in HELL I’ll be tied to a big fucking pole, one end of which vanishes in the clouds with nothing around me, not even a shrub. There ll be scorching sun right over my head and I’ll be tied to that pole of infinite length in midst of desert with nothing on me.... stark naked!!. I’ll see a big cloud of dust at the horizon coming towards me. I squint my eyes to see a herd of goats running towards me. I realize that it is more like a sea of goats (rather than just a herd) a few moments latter and i can see anger in their eyes. Now m terrified and turn to see to see to my left that there is another flock of chickens running towards me doing “pakaak pakaak” in anger and stumbling on each other. And in my right i can see prawns and shrimps coming out of desert sand and gathering near my feet. I’ve never felt so helpless in my whole life and i close my eyes outta fear. I keep my eyes forced shut for a minute expecting worst to happen... but nothing. There is silence around me. I open my eyes slowly one at a time still petrified and through the settling dust i see one of the goats approaching towards me from the herd and looks me into eye and says “What u staring at?? We all died just so that u could fill that evil bottomless pit that u call tummy. Now the time has come... We’ll do to you what u have done to us. What u do unto others, same happens to u ... That’s wat happens in hell. Now u die MOTHERFUCKER”. I saw this and passed out, probably partly out of fear and partly out of surprise that a goat could talk and swear at me!!!.

But jokes apart, have u ever thought that even plants are living beings. Going by same logic that u should not eat living beings, u shouldn’t eat plants either. Just coz they can’t move around or making noises doesn’t mean they are not living beings. What if they have feelings too? What if they cry when they are uprooted or when they are robbed of their children, i.e. fruits? What if they shed tears when u rob them of their vegetables? U should just stop eating i say OR u can try not use ur head so much and eat whatever u like, “Its a goddamned food cycle, don look at me like that. Shut up and eat ur chicken leg”.

In fact i rather feel guilty when i drink milk. A healthy cow is supposed to give not more than 3 litres of milk per day. But they are injected with synthetic drugs so that they would give 8-10 litres of milk every day. And as obvious, that healthy cow which could have lived for another ten years dies in next three years. We do not just milk cows, we fucking murder them for milk. How is that now??

But i don wanna start centuries old debate... To be or not to be Vegetarian. I'm a carnivore and m very happy with that.

Good for u if u are a vegetarian, at least there is enough chicken left for me. And good for u if i’m a carnivore, at least there are enough vegetables for u.

But wat is more important is that we do not alienate ourselves from our food sources. In this time of Mc Donalds and KFC all that comes to our mind we someone says chicken is a crispy fried peice of chicken leg. Have u ever seen a wheat farm?? Have u ever seen a chicken being killed and skinned?? Have u ever seen a goat’s throat being slit before he becomes ur mutton??

Thanks to onslaught of packaged food, tremendous competition in retail fast food business and increasing population, there is a tremendous pressure on all food sources to keep our stomachs filled. So much so that we are ready to take the risk of trying genetically modified food, we pump our farms with never ending supplies of synthetic fertilizers and pesticides and we inject our livestocks with fatal synthetic drugs. We have forgot what organic food is, we have forgot where does our food actually comes from.

This reminds me of a video i had seen somewhere about how stupid Umreekans are. A five year old girl goes to local zoo with her mother. Her mother shows her a hen in cage and asks her “What is this?”. Girl quips and says “Chicken nuggets”!!!.
Eat healthy and stay healthy. Chop chop...

Beshtesht of jobs...

Most envious jobs ever… Not in the order though.

1. Bartender… mingle with and mix drinks for ppl and gulp down few shots yourself every once in a while.

2. Bouncer… bounce ppl who are trying to tickle your stripper galfren while she is giving it to the pole.

3. Stripper/hooker/gigolo/porn star… No gender discrimination here. Have sex all day and get paid too… its like having your cake and being able to eat it too. But you might have to change ya name … Siren or something like that.

4. Rockstar… do I need to say any more… ppl have written songs how they wanna even cut their hair and change their name … coz they all wanna be big rock stars.

5. Rock band manager… Manage a rock band. Big bucks, groopies and cheap drug and why would u want anything else other than that?

6. Fashion photographer… better if its kingfisher calendar photograph. Travel the whole india and click pics of gorgeous chicks… and get paid on top of that.

7. Author for a runaway hit (to the scale of five point someone”) novel/book … nevermind however sleazy it is.

8. Editor for a magazine… Not competition success review or woman’s review… something as cool as Maxim.

9. Standup comedian… U know u are crazy and good for nothing. Well, all you are good at is making a clown of yourself and laugh on yaself. Better do it on stage and get paid for it.

10. Business Baron… Lot of money to spend on whatever u want. U are in news even if u just sneeze or if your piss/poop is of unusual color. U can be Vijay Malaya and then u can throw parties, make and drink your own booze, wear a funny hat and go to Enrique concert and still ppl would think how cool u are!!!

11. Make ya own social networking site… be it anything, ppl will go at it just coz they are so jobless. Convert their clicks into money…. Simbly jushhht like that.

12. Drug dealer… Get high on the purest of stuff yourself and mix it with baking powder and pack them in small poly bags and sell it. Everyone loves u and needs you… be it an actor, rockstar, sports icon or just a usual drug junkie. One of the quickest ways to become a millionaire provided u don get killed in a gang war or get busted that is.

13. VJ… Blabber the first thing that pops into ya head… talk to ppl on phone in front of camera while they request for their favorite music and dedicate it to their so called loved ones.

14. DJ… Mix and play your own music in hippest of clubs. Work till late and party every night.

15. Psychologist… Listen to ppl talk bout themselves for an hour and charge them 500 bucks just like that. Once in a while fill them up with your psychobabble just to make them feel that u are doing your job.

16. Entrepreneur/Technopreneur… Make something new and hire ppl to work under you. Set up your own company and then sell it off for million dollars and retire at age of thirty and sit and eat for rest of ya life.

17. Game tester… Go to work in shorts… play all day on game console and get paid big bucks for it. How that one huh?

18. Open ya own engineering college… Stuff it with kids and charge them big bucks for anything and everything. Then u’ll be “vishawanathan” of your own world.

19. Yoga guru… Learn to inflate and deflate your belly and try to churn it if you can. Voila!!.. u are a yoga guru and you can cure ppl of any disease… even homosexuality.

20. Comic strip/graphic novel writer… Make your own comic strip like spider-man, shaktimaan or even Savita Bhabhi if u are into that kinda thing. Who knows u might me signed up soon by a movie studio to make ya comic into a movie. Talking of which… when is movie on Savita Bhabhi gonna come out… ???

All said and done… being jobless is still the best job ever. So much so that I’ve perfected the art doing nothing the whole day and OMG it feels good…

Merrily Jobless!!!

Firstly… I apologize for not posting for so long. I was too lazy to come up with anything to post. Been missing my college and frenz. M bored at home waiting for TCS to call me… so much that my boredom is eating me up.

Meanwhile I attended my convocation… so m a certified engineer now. Certified that “I don’t know nothing”. Convocation was wild though… drank and smoked pot and apparently passed out. Was majorly hung over even on my first and possible the last convocation… How that one?

But being jobless has its own merits. I don think I’m ready to work yet. M not ready for a 8 to 5 job yet. I m looking forward to having more fun in life before being type casted as a boring professional sulking and sucking up a job… cribbing how uneventful my life is… NO… not yet. But I don wanna study anymore either, at least for now. Know wat… I wanna take up a course in bartending. LOL… lets come back from wonderland.

Coming back to being jobless having its own merits… How?

1. U can get up whenever u want.

2. U can have breakfast any hour of the day… who gives a shit.

3. Eat home cooked food and get obese. Boi u gonna starve later…

4. Try your hand at cooking.

5. Travel as much as you want. Go to places u have never been to, with frenz or parents.

6. Get in the best shape ever… work out, play and sweat.

7. Watch TV… u’ll never be so bored to sit and watch stupid shows on idiot box all day.

8. Care not to miss a single movie in theatre.

9. Take up new hobbies… like growing beard, visiting dermatologist or reading erotica.

10. Even write a blog on how u are enjoying being jobless. Even more so… you could read one on the same… Gotcha ;)

Joy of studying in the 10th best college of country

VIT was ranked as the best private institute and amongst the top 10 overall across the nation by a magazine i held in high esteem. I thought it was outrageous but then after some introspection i thought... what the heck, VIT is the best. Why not?

So here it is why VIT is the best:

1. Infrastructure is mind blowing. It looks like a habitable concrete jungle while IIT's look like a peaceful jungle.

2. Student intake is very high. The more the merrier... right?

3. Half the students are from management quota. Who wants a university campus full of nerds.

4. VIT has accreditation from IEEE, ABAT and what not... who wants AICTE approval. Its so middle class i tell you.

5. Faculty is amazing. They foster you to become independent. Be it course subjects or projects, they simply won't help. Spoon feeding simply not our style.

6. Placements are better than any other university can imagine. TCS holds a world record for recruiting most students from a campus while Honda motors with a package of 1.75 lakhs/annum was a dream offer. Wat more can u ask for?

7. Lot of research takes place in VIT, but not many ppl know bout it with most of it being confidential n all.

8. Laboratory apparatus are best of kind. Even a test tube costs 500 bucks. Break one and u'll know.

9. We practice "Patience is the key to success". We stand in lines... like really long lines be it room allotment, mess, gym, lifts or even for toilets and bathrooms in morning.

10. Mess food is awesome (i needn't say anymore).

11. We are prepared to face the mean and harsh world outside. Getting a job done in VIT is like dealing with government office. Better to have prior experience before we are out on our own.

12. Hostels are very nice. You can have a party every night with your 6 or 8 roomies depending on how many ppl u want for the party. Hostel office makes sure u get atleast 5 to 6 roomies. Loneliness kill we heard.

13.Rajnikanth and Aishwarya were here for shooting a movie. VIT also works as a makeshift movie studio. Students can get a break from hectic schedules,labs and all and get something to refresh themselves once in a while, click a picture and get an autograph or two.

14. Vishal and Shekhar lip synced in Riviera. Man!! they were so rocking.

15. We respect indian values at VIT. Every student vows to celibacy as soon as he/she is admitted in VIT. Talking to opposite sex or sitting beside in class is a strict no no while u can forget watching rock concerts, musical nites and DJ nights. Cosmopolitan culture is very American and we hate Americans.

16. Still if you get very desperate... you can go make out in the last lane near greeno's and foodys. After all VIT is a place to learn and chance to grow!!

17. Students are forced to finish their final semester projects in their department. We don't want them to get exploited in the big bad world outside.

18. We have a very nice library tho it gets difficult at times to get ya hands on the limited copies of textbooks when nearing exams. Atleast the library looks awesome and has full blast of AC on at all times.

19. Chicks are ismoking haaatt.

20. Lastly, VIT is best coz we have compulsory 75% attendance.

All said... why shouldn't VIT be the best college of country. Hon'ble Chancellor is sure that it'll make it into the world's 10 best colleges by next year.

If you feel strongly for the issue... comment on this post and u can contribute to bring to light some more reasons as in why VIT is best.

DISCLAIMER: This post is being published for fun with no intentions to bring bad reputation to the said institution. Author doesn't take responsibility and doesn't care anyways... coz he's so wasted to make any sense whatsoever.

ENJAAY!!!!

Happy Valentine's day

I know its way past the time that i can wish you all a happy new year. But seriously i couldn't have helped as you can see that this is my first post since new year. What the heck... happy new year anyways. N its past twelve on 14th of feb... so a very happy valentine's day to all of ya.

I LOVE EVERYONE WHO VISITS THIS PAGE...

Most of you would have made plans for tomorrow. It might seem very teenagy (i know that's not a word) to some of you (i'm one) while some might get a perfect excuse to spend the entire day with you galfren/boyfren. You can go for romantic plays/movies, pub parties or just to eat out. All good restaurants will have valentine special brunches n dinners. Couples should not miss that while single guys n gals can find someone... you can find a valentine or just someone to hang out with. You are not getting in anywhere if you are single, specially guys. So its kinda very dull for blissfully single people n if you are too shy to find someone to go to one of these places.

But its very interesting to ponder on how Valentine's day is commercialized so much. Hiked entry fees to all pubs with couples entry only, full houses n special movie shows, special candlelight dinner in restaurants where you will not get a table unless you have made prior reservations quite some time ago etc etc. If that is not enough... you have very mushy and costly cards to give to your loved ones. The rose you could have bought for 10 bucks everyday will cost you no less than hundred bucks. N if you are a guy n you don get one for ya chick... Man you are so dead!!. If that is not enough... you'll be charged one buck per SMS which used to be free otherwise or something of the same sort thanks to all mobile service providers grabbing the oppurtunity to milk some serious money out of all this valentine's affair. Nice na!!! But nothing can stop us from loving our loved ones.. right?... deep huh :-p.

But then there are ppl who will try to stop you from loving each other... supposed imposters of guardians of indian culture - Shiv Sena n Ram Sene are one to start with. But come of think of that... Who the fuck are they to tell us wat to do and not to do on valentine's day. N i don't think its a part of indian culture to bash up chicks. Plus i can really not relate to them having problem with pubbing. Recent research conducted in a room (no. 643) of VIT men's hostel by two most prominent researchers in the field, Dr. Lakhwani and Dr. Ramamoorthy has revealed that alcohol is the only last thing on this planet which can keep you sane on this crazy planet of ours that is lovingly called mother earth. N dancing is the best form of cardio workout you can ever have, n no we don't say that but is rather a well known fact. As far as gals feeling skimpy clothes... Duh! we don mind. But jokes apart, who is to decide what is fashion, what is indian culture and wat can be skimpy enough to be called skimpy.

FYI If you are found in a pub/cinema hall/garden with a chick on feb 14 in Bangalore and many other cities, ppl from Ram sene will get you married right there and then complete with sindhur and mangalsutra. Not to mention, many couples are manhandled every year on this day.



Pink Chaddi Campaign logo... pretty graceful eh!!


But then came the "Pink CHaddi" campaign. Its innovative, hillarious and going to be major embarrassment to some wannabe patriots if you want to call them that. First time i heard bout that n i was like... WOW!!.You can send pink chaddis to Pramod Muthalik himself or drop off packet of pink chaddis which you wrapped yourself with all that love and compassion for him at a nearest chaddi collection point where volunteers will make sure that you love is delivered to whom it was meant for. Actually serves them right. Not to forget the "Pub Bharo" campaign. Chicks, from Bangalore to Bihar whether regular pubbers or not have been asked to go to their nearest pub and raise a toast to love and freedom. Non drinkers can sip on juice, alcohol is not a compulsion. Amul has mocked the bashing of pubgoers and promoted pink chaddi campaign on their utterly butterly butter packets. CHeck it out for yourself.






Chennai is sporting a Valentine's special marathon starting from Marina Beach. Guys and gals have been requested to participate and thousands have registered. Even open for LGBTs (Lesbians, Gays, Bisexuals and Transgenders). Your gender or sexual orientation does not matter... its the spirit of day that does. Run for love... love is wat we need the most in this planet which is slipping into violence and depression with each passing day.

Before i conclude this post.... Valentine's day is not just for guys and gals who claim to be in blissful love with each other (Oh!! are they?) but it is for everyone whose loves. Be it your frenz, parents, brother, sister, cousins or anyone... never mind. Do call up n wish your parents, all your frenz and everyone else you love. SMSes can do too... just letting ppl know you love them is enough whichever way it be.

As for the people who are fortunate enough to be single yet (like me)... call up frenz and arrange for some booze n dinner or go out to play pool and eat out somewhere n you sure will not feel left out... you are not the only single left on the planet.

Peace out this valentine's... hope you have fun.

P.S.: Love ya all who have patience enough to read all that bull crap i write in here so often. Don't be shy to wish valentine's and send ya ummaahhs to me... post them in comments.