Once it so happened that I along with my frens went to eat out at China town. A very humble place that Vellore is, you hardly have much places to eat out at… CT being one of them. Plus not to forget they serve good Chinese. So me, Harry, Karan, Prashant, Arvind and Nigel went to have a good dinner there. But the primary problem being, that it is always crowded by guys and chicks from VIT as well as CMC… so u end up waiting in the lobby for at least for say half an hour generally before you get a table. Here we were sitting in lobby sipping on dew and eagerly waiting to get a table. We were famished and Arvind’s pjs were the only solace. Just then came a classmate of mine with his gal to have dinner there. For the record… he looks handsome and kinda cute. But his gal looks like his mom… fat and ugly. U understand what I mean right?
Nigel hardly comes to class and has only an acquaintance with most of others in class other than me, Harry and Karan. This classmate of ours comes in to greet us and we do the same. We know his gal too and so we greet her too. Nigel has only a faint acquaintance with this guy and obviously does not know that the gal beside him is his chick. He gets up to greet him and shook hands with him and then offers his hand to his chick saying very mildly, as if whispering, “Hello aunty!!”. I was standing beside Nigel and I was awestruck… so much so that my jaw dropped. I was staring at Nigel with eyes so wide open that it might seem that my eyeballsy might pop out anytime and they will drop on the floor and roll off across the lobby. Though it seems that no one else heard or probably our classmate and his chick heard him but nevertheless ignored it and marched on into the dining room as waiter called them out to take a table for two.
I was still looking at Nigel dumbstruck with my mouth wide open. “Dude!! Did you just say hello aunty to her?” I said raising my eyebrows with a smirk. Nigel replies very innocently “Ya I did… so? Isn’t she his mom”. Lo!! … and we all broke out in laughter. Nigel, tho however confused he was, joined in too.
“So she isn’t his mom?” he said chuckingly.
“No she’s his galfren… “ I explained.
“Common? Don’t bullshit me… look at her. She’s fat… she looks ugly. How can someone ever hang out with her?” he said trying to sound innocent but having hard time containing his laugh and managing with a devilish smirk across his face.
“Ya… she is. Live with it”
“Shit man… good I didn’t say it loud. Do you think they heard me… him and his gal? Oh wat the fuck… I don’t care” and started chuckling again.
Now whenever I see my classmate with his gal a smile surfaces on my face remembering this particular incident. Whenever he passes by I say it under my breath “Mama’s cute lil boy” and Nigel breaks out in uncontrollable laughter.
But Nigel still wants to ask... why do guys want to hang out with gals who look like their mom? Do drop in answers if you have any in he comments section....
Saturday, December 20
Thursday, August 14
Solitude
I’m mostly a people’s person. I love talking and talking for hours at length. I can talk about anything and to anyone for hours. Given that it might seem that me talking about solitude should be very weird… should be something very alien to me. More than that, it must be painful for me. But I had a very enriching experience which makes me capable enough to carry on with this post.
I love to hang out and m quick at finding myself likely company. It was always easy for me to reach out to people and befriend them as my dad had a transferable job and in every few years we were thrown to places we had never been. It was tough, by the time you have frenz you get to know that it was time already and we were gonna move out soon. You need time to adjust in a new place, find frenz and get accustomed to weather, culture, food and all that. Then you eventually fall in love with the place, come on!! for how long can you loathe about being thrown into a remote place and keep missing the place you were in last and miss your old frenz. You learn to move on and you do it quick. Its very easy for people to misunderstand your needing a time off to adjust yourself with you being arrogant and snobbish. And who wants to listen where you were earlier, what kinda frenz you had there and wat you miss ? Who cares and who has time on this mean planet we call earth.
All this and more was the reason I became so adaptable. Now I love making new frenz and travelling. So I really never had time to be in solitude. But as I said I had my own personal experiment with solitude and it was pretty enriching. Now I love solitude.
Solitude might seem very painful in beginning but then you start falling in love with it. It gives you so much time to think over things you had been avoiding or had no time for, for so long. You can indulge in a very enriching experience and you develop a thought process unique to you. You have all the time on planet to read books you never thought you will. You have an opportunity to develop new hobbies. This was one thing that benefitted me so much. It was after this petty experiment of mine with solitude that I tried my hand at writing and wrote my first article at the end of it. To start with, my head was clouded with random thoughts. Then I stumbled upon an issue which I felt was pretty strong and very close to my heart too. Giving it some thought I got a better picture and in the end I was able to realize a thought so pure and so novel to me that the idea propped in my head to pen it down. I still use the same technique every time when I write. I don’t sit down to write as such. I spend some time thinking and when I have a point of view of my own I feel the urge to write it down. I’m not talking about funny incidents I shared with you in my previous posts. I’m talking about the articles I have written and most of them still remain unpublished. This is the reason most of my core creative writing comes to me when I’m pathetic with sleeplessness…. At odd hours.
It all started during my six weeks industrial training at Baroda, Indian Oil refineries division. Thanks to references passed on to me by my dad, I was put up in an apartment in the residential colony itself. I shared apartment with Piyush, an employee there. Bachelor that he was one, he had his own pack of friends which he introduced to me. They were all very interesting people and hanging out with them was amazing fun. But Piyush was quitting his job in a fortnight as was one more friend of his, Sachin Soni. Both became my best pals in spite of age difference and thus very obviously varied tastes too. The fortnight I spent with them was amongst the best in my life. Every alternate day we were sloshed with best whiskey, vodka or beer whatever we could lay hands on, given that we were in a dry state that Gujarat is thanks to Gandhiji and his fucked up ideologies. We went out to eat almost every evening or used to summa hang out together watching movies, at home on dvds or in cinema halls, as and when time persisted. That fortnight was amazing and unforgettable.
But that was not to stay forever. Soni and Piyush quit and others got busy with their daily work. So I had an empty apartment with just one bed (that too thanks to Piyush bhaiyya), my mattress propped over it and a cupboard remotely filled with my few clothes that I had taken along. I had lots of book to read though, some I had got from home and some I had picked from what Soni had planned to throw off as raddi while packing. At times I could borrow a laptop from Brahma (an employee there too, fresher actually) who lived just the apartment below mine. I had to depend on him for water too as I did not have water purifier or any other source of potable water. Plus not to forget, it was summers and Baroda is very humid. It was shitty hot there. You could sweat without doing anything, even while just laying down on bed. Every morning I got up to find that my pillow and my bedsheet was wet with my own sweat. I had too balconies in that apartment and I used to keep doors to both of them open at all times to allow fresh air in. Given that it was so hot, I used to take bath numerous times, sometimes even five times a day. It was very relaxing to take a cold shower after a tiring hot day in field during training. I had to walk several kilometers everyday in those safety shoes.
Plant was spread in a humongous area, 5 kms from end to end. At days when I was lucky, I got a lift. And I noticed that wearing a formal shirt made it more probable for me to get a lift. This was my observation and being an engineering student I could work out the math behind it. Probably people confused me with a new engineer at plant and were kind enough to stop by and offer a ride or respond to my waving my fist with thumb pointing towards the plant’s main gate. I used to eat in officer’s mess thanks to Manoj Sharma, one of Piyush’s frenz in production department who also shouldered responsibility of mess manager. If you have been reading this blog, you would find a post on him titled “Insanity redefined”. Brahma was kind enough to lend me his laptop at times so that I could finish up my report. I also had spare keys to his apartment, just in case I needed something. He even offered me to sleep in his apartment as it was too hot in my apartment and he happened to had an AC installed in his. But I hardly did it. I had my own happy world in my apartment up there, all to myself.
I started reading papers, actually spend hours reading it from page to page including cartoon strips and solving Sudoku and crosswords besides reading my favourite pages like international. I started reading a lot. I went for walk in evenings though my calf muscles threatened to give away any time as they delivered terrible pain owing to walking in plant all day long and my lovely safety shoes which were so fucking heavy as if I was dragging shackles or as if they were made of iron (which is partly true, they partly were made of steel atleast the tip I’m sure about). Calm evening wind helped me clear my mind and was very relaxing and took away all my weariness when it brushed past my close cropped hair on my head.
I used to go to movies alone on weekend in INOX. I always thought going to movies alone was the worst idea one can ever have. I still do. But a movie freak that I am and with nothing else to do it seemed stupid to miss watching a movie on big screen just coz I had no one to along with. N it wasn’t as bad as I thought.
A fellow trainee from Orissa came along with me later as he was lonely too. He being from Chemical department, he was assigned to process plants which I wasn’t assigned to obviously. So we hardly met in plant. But we went for movies couple of times later. He also introduced me to landmark. I discovered that the one in Baroda was pretty calm and reader friendly when compared to one in Chennai which I usually go to but despise very dearly. The one in Baroda was decorated with huge comfortable and inviting couches on which you can spread out and read. No one will bother you for sure. One corner of it had Café coffee day. You can enjoy reading books while sipping away merrily on your favourite frappe. I finished a complete collection of Calvin and Hobbes there in two hours and two huge heavenly mugs of frappe on one useless weekend. The collection costs Rs. 495 only for the record. So that was time well spent.
Besides all this I also started getting ideas to start writing meanwhile and tried my hand at it. The training had come to an end and I had very calm and thoughtful 3-4 weeks all to myself in solitude. I love solitude now and now I know its not painful as I thought it would be. But still hanging out with frenz is top priority. But I look at the prospect of being in solitude with a new light. I love being alone now, just me and myself and my solitude.
Its not bad and its not painful at all though to some it might sound so. Solitude has been for so long been associated with pain. But you don’t need to be in pain to be in solitude. You can be happy and still love it.
Give it a shot someday. Give yourself all the time one particular weekend. Listen to your favourite music all day, read your favourite book, go for a trek, long jog or walk, take long showers or go for swim and spend time fulfilling your long forgotten hobbies be it stamp collection, writing, painting, playing guitar or whatever. I’m sure you’ll love it.
P.S. Please do drop in feedback without fail. Constructive criticism appreciated.
I love to hang out and m quick at finding myself likely company. It was always easy for me to reach out to people and befriend them as my dad had a transferable job and in every few years we were thrown to places we had never been. It was tough, by the time you have frenz you get to know that it was time already and we were gonna move out soon. You need time to adjust in a new place, find frenz and get accustomed to weather, culture, food and all that. Then you eventually fall in love with the place, come on!! for how long can you loathe about being thrown into a remote place and keep missing the place you were in last and miss your old frenz. You learn to move on and you do it quick. Its very easy for people to misunderstand your needing a time off to adjust yourself with you being arrogant and snobbish. And who wants to listen where you were earlier, what kinda frenz you had there and wat you miss ? Who cares and who has time on this mean planet we call earth.
All this and more was the reason I became so adaptable. Now I love making new frenz and travelling. So I really never had time to be in solitude. But as I said I had my own personal experiment with solitude and it was pretty enriching. Now I love solitude.
Solitude might seem very painful in beginning but then you start falling in love with it. It gives you so much time to think over things you had been avoiding or had no time for, for so long. You can indulge in a very enriching experience and you develop a thought process unique to you. You have all the time on planet to read books you never thought you will. You have an opportunity to develop new hobbies. This was one thing that benefitted me so much. It was after this petty experiment of mine with solitude that I tried my hand at writing and wrote my first article at the end of it. To start with, my head was clouded with random thoughts. Then I stumbled upon an issue which I felt was pretty strong and very close to my heart too. Giving it some thought I got a better picture and in the end I was able to realize a thought so pure and so novel to me that the idea propped in my head to pen it down. I still use the same technique every time when I write. I don’t sit down to write as such. I spend some time thinking and when I have a point of view of my own I feel the urge to write it down. I’m not talking about funny incidents I shared with you in my previous posts. I’m talking about the articles I have written and most of them still remain unpublished. This is the reason most of my core creative writing comes to me when I’m pathetic with sleeplessness…. At odd hours.
It all started during my six weeks industrial training at Baroda, Indian Oil refineries division. Thanks to references passed on to me by my dad, I was put up in an apartment in the residential colony itself. I shared apartment with Piyush, an employee there. Bachelor that he was one, he had his own pack of friends which he introduced to me. They were all very interesting people and hanging out with them was amazing fun. But Piyush was quitting his job in a fortnight as was one more friend of his, Sachin Soni. Both became my best pals in spite of age difference and thus very obviously varied tastes too. The fortnight I spent with them was amongst the best in my life. Every alternate day we were sloshed with best whiskey, vodka or beer whatever we could lay hands on, given that we were in a dry state that Gujarat is thanks to Gandhiji and his fucked up ideologies. We went out to eat almost every evening or used to summa hang out together watching movies, at home on dvds or in cinema halls, as and when time persisted. That fortnight was amazing and unforgettable.
But that was not to stay forever. Soni and Piyush quit and others got busy with their daily work. So I had an empty apartment with just one bed (that too thanks to Piyush bhaiyya), my mattress propped over it and a cupboard remotely filled with my few clothes that I had taken along. I had lots of book to read though, some I had got from home and some I had picked from what Soni had planned to throw off as raddi while packing. At times I could borrow a laptop from Brahma (an employee there too, fresher actually) who lived just the apartment below mine. I had to depend on him for water too as I did not have water purifier or any other source of potable water. Plus not to forget, it was summers and Baroda is very humid. It was shitty hot there. You could sweat without doing anything, even while just laying down on bed. Every morning I got up to find that my pillow and my bedsheet was wet with my own sweat. I had too balconies in that apartment and I used to keep doors to both of them open at all times to allow fresh air in. Given that it was so hot, I used to take bath numerous times, sometimes even five times a day. It was very relaxing to take a cold shower after a tiring hot day in field during training. I had to walk several kilometers everyday in those safety shoes.
Plant was spread in a humongous area, 5 kms from end to end. At days when I was lucky, I got a lift. And I noticed that wearing a formal shirt made it more probable for me to get a lift. This was my observation and being an engineering student I could work out the math behind it. Probably people confused me with a new engineer at plant and were kind enough to stop by and offer a ride or respond to my waving my fist with thumb pointing towards the plant’s main gate. I used to eat in officer’s mess thanks to Manoj Sharma, one of Piyush’s frenz in production department who also shouldered responsibility of mess manager. If you have been reading this blog, you would find a post on him titled “Insanity redefined”. Brahma was kind enough to lend me his laptop at times so that I could finish up my report. I also had spare keys to his apartment, just in case I needed something. He even offered me to sleep in his apartment as it was too hot in my apartment and he happened to had an AC installed in his. But I hardly did it. I had my own happy world in my apartment up there, all to myself.
I started reading papers, actually spend hours reading it from page to page including cartoon strips and solving Sudoku and crosswords besides reading my favourite pages like international. I started reading a lot. I went for walk in evenings though my calf muscles threatened to give away any time as they delivered terrible pain owing to walking in plant all day long and my lovely safety shoes which were so fucking heavy as if I was dragging shackles or as if they were made of iron (which is partly true, they partly were made of steel atleast the tip I’m sure about). Calm evening wind helped me clear my mind and was very relaxing and took away all my weariness when it brushed past my close cropped hair on my head.
I used to go to movies alone on weekend in INOX. I always thought going to movies alone was the worst idea one can ever have. I still do. But a movie freak that I am and with nothing else to do it seemed stupid to miss watching a movie on big screen just coz I had no one to along with. N it wasn’t as bad as I thought.
A fellow trainee from Orissa came along with me later as he was lonely too. He being from Chemical department, he was assigned to process plants which I wasn’t assigned to obviously. So we hardly met in plant. But we went for movies couple of times later. He also introduced me to landmark. I discovered that the one in Baroda was pretty calm and reader friendly when compared to one in Chennai which I usually go to but despise very dearly. The one in Baroda was decorated with huge comfortable and inviting couches on which you can spread out and read. No one will bother you for sure. One corner of it had Café coffee day. You can enjoy reading books while sipping away merrily on your favourite frappe. I finished a complete collection of Calvin and Hobbes there in two hours and two huge heavenly mugs of frappe on one useless weekend. The collection costs Rs. 495 only for the record. So that was time well spent.
Besides all this I also started getting ideas to start writing meanwhile and tried my hand at it. The training had come to an end and I had very calm and thoughtful 3-4 weeks all to myself in solitude. I love solitude now and now I know its not painful as I thought it would be. But still hanging out with frenz is top priority. But I look at the prospect of being in solitude with a new light. I love being alone now, just me and myself and my solitude.
Its not bad and its not painful at all though to some it might sound so. Solitude has been for so long been associated with pain. But you don’t need to be in pain to be in solitude. You can be happy and still love it.
Give it a shot someday. Give yourself all the time one particular weekend. Listen to your favourite music all day, read your favourite book, go for a trek, long jog or walk, take long showers or go for swim and spend time fulfilling your long forgotten hobbies be it stamp collection, writing, painting, playing guitar or whatever. I’m sure you’ll love it.
P.S. Please do drop in feedback without fail. Constructive criticism appreciated.
Monday, August 11
When Sally faked it... and faked it well
Hey frenz, sorry to have been callous to have not updated my blog for quite so long. Nevermind m back and promise regular updates… at least I hope so. I have been writing though and managed to write a short story which came out very satisfactorily to my surprise and delight, but I realized in spite of being a short story it was too long to be posted in blog. But someday I’ll like to post it… in parts though running a thread in my blog, with your permission of course. Just drop me a word along with comments to this one and I’ll post it starting from next week.
For the time being, it was weekend night when I started drafting this one. I don feel like reading though I have been frantically reading and reading some good stuff. But m tired of reading and can’t do any more at this point of time. I don’t even feel like watching a movie though my hard disk is full of new ones … all in all I feel wasted though I’m not.
So out of sheer boredom I successfully find a classic, my all time favorite movie “When Harry met Sally” and decided to watch it over again. Since god knows how long I’ve been in love with Meg Ryan. She’s one helluva actress and in this one she’s very young indeed and looks very cute too. But there is one scene I find particularly funny and end up in splits. I’ll take opportunity to share this one with you… for good laugh really.
For those who are not aware (I don’t expect many) this movie about Harry Burns (Billy Crystal) and Sally Albright (none other than goddess of gorgeousness and awesomeness, Meg Ryan herself) and their love story full of love and hate. They hated each other the first time they met, became frenz and then were frenz no more and ended up falling in love with each other by the climax.
Anyways, when Harry and Sally have became each other’s real good frenz, other being practically the only person they know in the whole town so well, they go out to eat together. They are seated at a crowded and noisy diner. Somehow they started talking about women and fake orgasms. Harry says no women who has ever slept with her as faked getting an orgasm.
Sally fires back “Every woman has done it once, with someone or the other”.
“But never with me” replies harry.
“Oh ya I forgot, you are a man” quips sally
“What does that mean?” Harry now partly confused partly agitated.
“Every man thinks it never happened to him and given that every women has done it once or more with someone or the other, do the math yourself” wiping her hands with a paper napkin.
“No I’m sure, no woman has faked it when with me.”
“How do you know it”.
“I just know it. U think I can’t make out the difference”
“Ahan?” She sits back angrily on couch, hands on table.
“Ow… Oh… yes” starts Sally seductively running her fingers across her curly hair and rubbing her cheeks with her other hand. Harry across the table is completely dumbstruck.
“What are you doin?”
“Oh my god!!!... Ooh yes… yes” she continues.
Harry’s eyes are wide with amazement, so wide that you think his eyeballs are gonna pop out any moment.
“Ya baby… right there…. Yes!!.. yes!!”
She thumps her palms on the table, now tossing and turning her head as if she’s closing up near the climax, much louder as she approaches the peril of her heightened pleasure supposedly.
The whole diner has become silent and is filled with Meg Ryan’s screaming and moaning with pleasure. An elderly guy sitting behind her back to back turns to see what on mother earth has got into this girl (or her pants). He has that “wtf” look on his face. People have stopped eating long back and have turned their heads to see Sally screaming on top of her voice now.
Sally continues, unashamedly and even more frantically now “Yes… Yes… Oh my god… yaaaa”.
An elderly woman curiously stares at her while a waiter waits to take her order.
As if approaching the climax of her so called orgasm she now moans with pleasure and a tone of rare satisfaction
“Aah… oh… aaawwwwhhhh…. Oooh… ooh”
“see!! “ says Sally to harry with an air of arrogance and proud and takes fork in her left hand and helps herself with mouthful of salad.
Harry is smirking now… feeling beaten but amazed.
“Can I take you order ma’am” enquires the waiter to the elderly woman who had been staring at Sally throughout her magnificent performance.
Without looking at the waiter eyes still transfixed at her she points at her to the waiter and says
“I’ll like to have whatever she’s having”.
At the end of the scene you are left laughing out loud all to yourself while Meg Ryan stares with her big eyes and bigger smile from behind the scene.
I’ve been bestowed with a pair of good speaker with a subwoofer and volume is always turned up immaterial of whether I’m watching a movie or pumping the corridor with my crazy music. By the time the scene got over and I was still smirking, I turn my head to see people from neighbouring room crowded near the door staring at my computer’s monitor with disbelief.
“Kya Hua… I was watching a movie” I try to explain.
“Haraamkhor… we thought you were watching porn with volume turned up so high” replied one angrily.
I’m rolling on my bed with uncontrollable laughter … chuckling at them.
All of them leave smiling and still abusing me under their breath.
I still get fits of laughter whenever I watch that scene though I’ve seen this movie so many times. If anyone of you have not seen this movie… plz do it now. And for those who have seen I hope I did a good job reminding you of one good laugh you had while watching a movie.
Please do drop in your comments. Also send me a word about if you want me to start the short story thingy on this page or if you think it’ll be too much pain.
Regards… and hoping you never see fake orgasms other than on TV or movies… lol
Deepak
For the time being, it was weekend night when I started drafting this one. I don feel like reading though I have been frantically reading and reading some good stuff. But m tired of reading and can’t do any more at this point of time. I don’t even feel like watching a movie though my hard disk is full of new ones … all in all I feel wasted though I’m not.
So out of sheer boredom I successfully find a classic, my all time favorite movie “When Harry met Sally” and decided to watch it over again. Since god knows how long I’ve been in love with Meg Ryan. She’s one helluva actress and in this one she’s very young indeed and looks very cute too. But there is one scene I find particularly funny and end up in splits. I’ll take opportunity to share this one with you… for good laugh really.
For those who are not aware (I don’t expect many) this movie about Harry Burns (Billy Crystal) and Sally Albright (none other than goddess of gorgeousness and awesomeness, Meg Ryan herself) and their love story full of love and hate. They hated each other the first time they met, became frenz and then were frenz no more and ended up falling in love with each other by the climax.
Anyways, when Harry and Sally have became each other’s real good frenz, other being practically the only person they know in the whole town so well, they go out to eat together. They are seated at a crowded and noisy diner. Somehow they started talking about women and fake orgasms. Harry says no women who has ever slept with her as faked getting an orgasm.
Sally fires back “Every woman has done it once, with someone or the other”.
“But never with me” replies harry.
“Oh ya I forgot, you are a man” quips sally
“What does that mean?” Harry now partly confused partly agitated.
“Every man thinks it never happened to him and given that every women has done it once or more with someone or the other, do the math yourself” wiping her hands with a paper napkin.
“No I’m sure, no woman has faked it when with me.”
“How do you know it”.
“I just know it. U think I can’t make out the difference”
“Ahan?” She sits back angrily on couch, hands on table.
“Ow… Oh… yes” starts Sally seductively running her fingers across her curly hair and rubbing her cheeks with her other hand. Harry across the table is completely dumbstruck.
“What are you doin?”
“Oh my god!!!... Ooh yes… yes” she continues.
Harry’s eyes are wide with amazement, so wide that you think his eyeballs are gonna pop out any moment.
“Ya baby… right there…. Yes!!.. yes!!”
She thumps her palms on the table, now tossing and turning her head as if she’s closing up near the climax, much louder as she approaches the peril of her heightened pleasure supposedly.
The whole diner has become silent and is filled with Meg Ryan’s screaming and moaning with pleasure. An elderly guy sitting behind her back to back turns to see what on mother earth has got into this girl (or her pants). He has that “wtf” look on his face. People have stopped eating long back and have turned their heads to see Sally screaming on top of her voice now.
Sally continues, unashamedly and even more frantically now “Yes… Yes… Oh my god… yaaaa”.
An elderly woman curiously stares at her while a waiter waits to take her order.
As if approaching the climax of her so called orgasm she now moans with pleasure and a tone of rare satisfaction
“Aah… oh… aaawwwwhhhh…. Oooh… ooh”
“see!! “ says Sally to harry with an air of arrogance and proud and takes fork in her left hand and helps herself with mouthful of salad.
Harry is smirking now… feeling beaten but amazed.
“Can I take you order ma’am” enquires the waiter to the elderly woman who had been staring at Sally throughout her magnificent performance.
Without looking at the waiter eyes still transfixed at her she points at her to the waiter and says
“I’ll like to have whatever she’s having”.
At the end of the scene you are left laughing out loud all to yourself while Meg Ryan stares with her big eyes and bigger smile from behind the scene.
I’ve been bestowed with a pair of good speaker with a subwoofer and volume is always turned up immaterial of whether I’m watching a movie or pumping the corridor with my crazy music. By the time the scene got over and I was still smirking, I turn my head to see people from neighbouring room crowded near the door staring at my computer’s monitor with disbelief.
“Kya Hua… I was watching a movie” I try to explain.
“Haraamkhor… we thought you were watching porn with volume turned up so high” replied one angrily.
I’m rolling on my bed with uncontrollable laughter … chuckling at them.
All of them leave smiling and still abusing me under their breath.
I still get fits of laughter whenever I watch that scene though I’ve seen this movie so many times. If anyone of you have not seen this movie… plz do it now. And for those who have seen I hope I did a good job reminding you of one good laugh you had while watching a movie.
Please do drop in your comments. Also send me a word about if you want me to start the short story thingy on this page or if you think it’ll be too much pain.
Regards… and hoping you never see fake orgasms other than on TV or movies… lol
Deepak
Friday, July 4
Flying high.... [part II]
So as you read in the previous post it’s always fun travelling in a flight for me. This time also something hilarious had to happen just like every other time. Travelling along with me were two friends Manjul and Shanky. We had booked ticks from Bangalore to Ahmadabad, Deccan airways.
We discover when we arrive at Bangalore that the old airport has been closed down. The new one was 42 kms away. We ended up paying 450 bucks to the autowallah like stupidfucks unaware that we could have taken airport bus service shuttling between Bangalore railway station and airport. Bah!! Come on, who wants to travel in an AC Volvo bus when you can travel in auto smelling fresh tobacco emanating from ITC tobacco farm alongside the road with all the leisure you can imagine as auto drags past the heavy traffic. Manjul took the liberty of taking a nap too. Travelling with him is such a delight. He’ll sit beside you and yap to his glory but as soon as train/plane/bus or whatever starts, Lo!!! He’s asleep. After you minutes you realize… Manjul ain’t talking any more. Anyways somehow we get through all the security checking and into the flight, we are acknowledged by an airhostess. She had curly hair, shoulder length sporting a red skirt and a crisp white top. But she had the weirdest of face cuts. A cursory glance at her scared me. I had the same thought surfacing again and again “ Main andhaa kyun nahin ho gayaa use dekhne se pehle”. I could hear a distant sound inside my brain, as if someone smashed hundreds of glasses at a time and all my anticipation that I might see a hot chick as an airhostess shattered into uncountable pieces. For the record, Shashank was already petrified with an episode with a eunuch in train. Somehow they find him very charming and make it a point to touch him on his face “Aye saarukh jaisi shakal hai teri, das rupiya de na”. Shashank will sheepishly pull out a 10 rupee note which he had kept ready in his shirt pocket for this just in case, trying to mask his disgust. Back to the flight, Shashank gives a quick look at the airhostess and his face turns red with fear and panic. He hold my arm n says “Abey, ye bhi das rupiya mangegi to??”. I broke out in laughter.
We take our seats but two seats ahead of us I see a bunch of dehaatis sitting with legs folded, aalti – paalti maar ke on their respective seats. One of them was observant enough to notice that passenger baggage was being loaded. N then he starts shouting “Tauji!! O riya mera bag (that’s my bag)…. Arre thaaro bag to utha utha ke patak riye hain (they are throwing around your baggage)”. I knew then and there that I was gonna enjoy this flight. Plane does a smooth take off n then I and Shashank discover Manjul is sound asleep already, in fact snoring pretty loud. We tried reading magazines and then shelled out more than hundred bucks for the suckiest sandwich we had ever had. We were famished, but nevermind, even after the sandwich we still were. We saw many people had got up from their respective seats as soon as seatbelt signs were withdrawn. They stood in the pathway and were taking special pride in talking as loud as they could. I was feeling as if I was travelling in a roadways bus. Actually you know wat, roadway buses are better. More leg space u see.
Me and Shanky passed time by making faces at kids who had stood up in their seats. Most of them got scared and eased back again in their mom’s lap. Dehaats fell in love with the calling bell, they kept pressing it since the very moment flight took off and even till when flight commander announced that we are gonna land shortly. Minutes away from landing, he apparently wanted a sandwich.
Flight just touched down, and one of the dehaats jolts up out of his seat covering his mouth with a scarf around his neck. “Sir you should be back in your seat” hostess tries. Dehaat managed to do some hand movements to tell her that he wants to puke.
“Sir you should go back to you seat”
“Bawwwwwwlllll!!!” he manages to control his urge to puke on the face of air hostess.
“There is a bag provided at your seat, you can vomit in that”
Dehaat breaks into a run to be back to his seat. Did he make it??
“Baaawwwwwllllll… “and the volcano erupted. There was this unforgettable sight of destruction around. There was puke all over the carpet. Many people got splashes of puke on their shoes. But dehaat had very carefully chosen his primary victim. He puked all over on blazer and trousers of a gentleman. This must have been his most memorable of all flights he had ever taken for his business trips.
Air hostesses and male stewards stood by the exit door to wave good bye.
“Thanks for flying with us”
“Kya than ki ooo laga rakhyaa hai bhe&%$@!$ …. Ulti to karne nahin di” recoils back dehaat.
“Rehne de yaar, baawli hai”. Condolences from his dehaat brethren.
I enjoy travelling and it is becoz of ppl like this that I have so much fun. Next time you out on travel, pull out your ipod earphones and take some time off reading or whatever, and give around a look. Who knows if there are some ITEM log as your co-travelers. You might have an unforgettable experience just like I did.
Anyways Hope you enjoyed reading… thank for commendable patience.
Do post your valuable comments…. You are welcome to share some of your experiences too which you came across while flying.
We discover when we arrive at Bangalore that the old airport has been closed down. The new one was 42 kms away. We ended up paying 450 bucks to the autowallah like stupidfucks unaware that we could have taken airport bus service shuttling between Bangalore railway station and airport. Bah!! Come on, who wants to travel in an AC Volvo bus when you can travel in auto smelling fresh tobacco emanating from ITC tobacco farm alongside the road with all the leisure you can imagine as auto drags past the heavy traffic. Manjul took the liberty of taking a nap too. Travelling with him is such a delight. He’ll sit beside you and yap to his glory but as soon as train/plane/bus or whatever starts, Lo!!! He’s asleep. After you minutes you realize… Manjul ain’t talking any more. Anyways somehow we get through all the security checking and into the flight, we are acknowledged by an airhostess. She had curly hair, shoulder length sporting a red skirt and a crisp white top. But she had the weirdest of face cuts. A cursory glance at her scared me. I had the same thought surfacing again and again “ Main andhaa kyun nahin ho gayaa use dekhne se pehle”. I could hear a distant sound inside my brain, as if someone smashed hundreds of glasses at a time and all my anticipation that I might see a hot chick as an airhostess shattered into uncountable pieces. For the record, Shashank was already petrified with an episode with a eunuch in train. Somehow they find him very charming and make it a point to touch him on his face “Aye saarukh jaisi shakal hai teri, das rupiya de na”. Shashank will sheepishly pull out a 10 rupee note which he had kept ready in his shirt pocket for this just in case, trying to mask his disgust. Back to the flight, Shashank gives a quick look at the airhostess and his face turns red with fear and panic. He hold my arm n says “Abey, ye bhi das rupiya mangegi to??”. I broke out in laughter.
We take our seats but two seats ahead of us I see a bunch of dehaatis sitting with legs folded, aalti – paalti maar ke on their respective seats. One of them was observant enough to notice that passenger baggage was being loaded. N then he starts shouting “Tauji!! O riya mera bag (that’s my bag)…. Arre thaaro bag to utha utha ke patak riye hain (they are throwing around your baggage)”. I knew then and there that I was gonna enjoy this flight. Plane does a smooth take off n then I and Shashank discover Manjul is sound asleep already, in fact snoring pretty loud. We tried reading magazines and then shelled out more than hundred bucks for the suckiest sandwich we had ever had. We were famished, but nevermind, even after the sandwich we still were. We saw many people had got up from their respective seats as soon as seatbelt signs were withdrawn. They stood in the pathway and were taking special pride in talking as loud as they could. I was feeling as if I was travelling in a roadways bus. Actually you know wat, roadway buses are better. More leg space u see.
Me and Shanky passed time by making faces at kids who had stood up in their seats. Most of them got scared and eased back again in their mom’s lap. Dehaats fell in love with the calling bell, they kept pressing it since the very moment flight took off and even till when flight commander announced that we are gonna land shortly. Minutes away from landing, he apparently wanted a sandwich.
Flight just touched down, and one of the dehaats jolts up out of his seat covering his mouth with a scarf around his neck. “Sir you should be back in your seat” hostess tries. Dehaat managed to do some hand movements to tell her that he wants to puke.
“Sir you should go back to you seat”
“Bawwwwwwlllll!!!” he manages to control his urge to puke on the face of air hostess.
“There is a bag provided at your seat, you can vomit in that”
Dehaat breaks into a run to be back to his seat. Did he make it??
“Baaawwwwwllllll… “and the volcano erupted. There was this unforgettable sight of destruction around. There was puke all over the carpet. Many people got splashes of puke on their shoes. But dehaat had very carefully chosen his primary victim. He puked all over on blazer and trousers of a gentleman. This must have been his most memorable of all flights he had ever taken for his business trips.
Air hostesses and male stewards stood by the exit door to wave good bye.
“Thanks for flying with us”
“Kya than ki ooo laga rakhyaa hai bhe&%$@!$ …. Ulti to karne nahin di” recoils back dehaat.
“Rehne de yaar, baawli hai”. Condolences from his dehaat brethren.
I enjoy travelling and it is becoz of ppl like this that I have so much fun. Next time you out on travel, pull out your ipod earphones and take some time off reading or whatever, and give around a look. Who knows if there are some ITEM log as your co-travelers. You might have an unforgettable experience just like I did.
Anyways Hope you enjoyed reading… thank for commendable patience.
Do post your valuable comments…. You are welcome to share some of your experiences too which you came across while flying.
Flying High.... [part I]
Personally speaking, I’m not very fond of flying as a mode of travelling. As soon the craft reaches some respectable altitude, all you can see out of window is ocean of snow white clouds. Might look enticing for some time, but then you get bored of it. But taking a flight back home from college saves me the pain of travelling for 50 hrs by convention (train I meant). So wat do you do when you board a flight??.
Hmmmm…. Lets see. You can first curse the crappy leg space… then you can try to check out air hostesses only if you are travelling by kingfisher or jet, otherwise you gonna get so disgusted with your own fucking self that you will think that god was so cruel to have given you the ability of vision. After that you might try to check if any seat pockets within arms’ reach sport any in-flight magazines. Otherwise you can read the safety manual, I always found it funny. Even safety demonstrations are fun though frustrating. I used to mock them when at times my dad allowed me to drive the car in city in spite of not being very sure that I can cope with such traffic where humans and cows loaf around the road in harmony. “There are two emergency exits in front and two at back” I used to say pointing at doors of car while sitting in the driver’s seat when my dad asked “Pukka you can drive na? Traffic is pretty shitty ”.
By the way did you ever know wy you have oxygen masks in flights? Ow!!! How silly…. To help breathing at high altitudes you might say. Go ahead, pat yourself but you missed a hidden objective. Clinical oxygen is known to make its inhaler feel giddy and euphoric. So… you might not be feeling so pathetic when flight commander announces that he has lost control and they are going down.. Ting Ting. I just knew this and I thought should share with all of you… might help make you feel safer next time you board a flight. And by the way once out of sheer boredom and curiosity I tried to find where was the safety jacket under my seat as the safety manual promised, but I never found one. After that I never looked for it ever again, but I learned swimming last semester tho… just in case you see. Who knows?? But don’t you worry, flights are probably the safest mode of transport… the best part is that it is almost as probable, that u’ll find yourself in Kandhar with some very friendly looking ppl sporting a monkey cap and holding a dagger/AK-47 trying to entertain you and waiting for you to break out into a giggle (Hope you remember this particular hijack drama at new years eve if not others) looking forward to have a new year bash with you, than discovering that the plane is nose-diving straight towards a mountain cliff.
Anyways if you finish with reading safety manual too… pops up the same old million dollar question. Wat do I do now? Now comes my favorite part, look around for ITEMS around you. I was referring to interesting people, they are often called item in international lingo … and dare you ask why… go ask Mallika Sherawat, the item girl… huh!!. There might be a dehaat travelling two seats away or there might be a wannabe chick somewhere around trying to show off her laptop unaware that her lipstick is spilling out, in fact it’s everywhere except her lips. I have had amazing experiences travelling once with a guy who was talking for an hour or so telling me how he always travels in a private jet and is travelling in economy this one time out of some majboori. And once with a guy who was trying to dig his way into Baskin Robbins ice cream served in-flight equipped with forks and spoon. The poor guy struggled for 10 minutes with all his persistence and perseverance. Others simply waited… like fools.
To be continued...
Hmmmm…. Lets see. You can first curse the crappy leg space… then you can try to check out air hostesses only if you are travelling by kingfisher or jet, otherwise you gonna get so disgusted with your own fucking self that you will think that god was so cruel to have given you the ability of vision. After that you might try to check if any seat pockets within arms’ reach sport any in-flight magazines. Otherwise you can read the safety manual, I always found it funny. Even safety demonstrations are fun though frustrating. I used to mock them when at times my dad allowed me to drive the car in city in spite of not being very sure that I can cope with such traffic where humans and cows loaf around the road in harmony. “There are two emergency exits in front and two at back” I used to say pointing at doors of car while sitting in the driver’s seat when my dad asked “Pukka you can drive na? Traffic is pretty shitty ”.
By the way did you ever know wy you have oxygen masks in flights? Ow!!! How silly…. To help breathing at high altitudes you might say. Go ahead, pat yourself but you missed a hidden objective. Clinical oxygen is known to make its inhaler feel giddy and euphoric. So… you might not be feeling so pathetic when flight commander announces that he has lost control and they are going down.. Ting Ting. I just knew this and I thought should share with all of you… might help make you feel safer next time you board a flight. And by the way once out of sheer boredom and curiosity I tried to find where was the safety jacket under my seat as the safety manual promised, but I never found one. After that I never looked for it ever again, but I learned swimming last semester tho… just in case you see. Who knows?? But don’t you worry, flights are probably the safest mode of transport… the best part is that it is almost as probable, that u’ll find yourself in Kandhar with some very friendly looking ppl sporting a monkey cap and holding a dagger/AK-47 trying to entertain you and waiting for you to break out into a giggle (Hope you remember this particular hijack drama at new years eve if not others) looking forward to have a new year bash with you, than discovering that the plane is nose-diving straight towards a mountain cliff.
Anyways if you finish with reading safety manual too… pops up the same old million dollar question. Wat do I do now? Now comes my favorite part, look around for ITEMS around you. I was referring to interesting people, they are often called item in international lingo … and dare you ask why… go ask Mallika Sherawat, the item girl… huh!!. There might be a dehaat travelling two seats away or there might be a wannabe chick somewhere around trying to show off her laptop unaware that her lipstick is spilling out, in fact it’s everywhere except her lips. I have had amazing experiences travelling once with a guy who was talking for an hour or so telling me how he always travels in a private jet and is travelling in economy this one time out of some majboori. And once with a guy who was trying to dig his way into Baskin Robbins ice cream served in-flight equipped with forks and spoon. The poor guy struggled for 10 minutes with all his persistence and perseverance. Others simply waited… like fools.
To be continued...
Thursday, June 19
Cheesy geeks?? Ew!
N you thought geeks could never be charming...
N you thought science and flirting can never get along....
N you thought a hot chick with a geek is so not cool...
N you thought tech talks on a date are a strict no no...
huh??
Get a life buttheads!!!
New scientist conducted a contest and they invited cheesiest scientific pick-up lines. Responses poured in from emails as well as snail mail from across the globe. They received thousands of entries .... and boy i never knew these ppl could be so freaking imaginative.
Well, they selected the 10 best and these ppl got the opportunity to see their pick-up lines make way into the glossy pages of New scientist along with cash prize.
I'm sharing these TOP TEN CHEESIEST SCIENTIFIC PICK-UP LINES with you as follows, grow up techies... be yourself, get charming :)
#1. Would there be any resistance if I asked to take you ohm?
Emma Byrne, London, UK
#2. I love the way you smell so different from my dad.
Toshi Knell, Nowra, New South Wales, Australia
#3. Would kissing you increase global warming and damage the Arctic irreversibly, or is it just enough to break the ice?
Andy McCready, Sheffield, Yorkshire, UK
#4. I've had my ion you.
Gary Duffala, Rio Rancho, New Mexico, US
#5. Baby, you must be a start codon because you are turnin' me on.
Jessica Swanson, Stratford, Prince Edward Island, Canada
#6. I don't wish to brag, but in several parallel universes I invented the internet, warned the world about global warming, ran for president and won the Nobel peace prize.
Yonatan Silver, Jerusalem, Israel
#7. Hello, I've just taken part in the clinical trial of a new drug to help memory loss; could you tell me, do I come here often?
John French, Wellington, Somerset, UK
#8. You are definitely the woman of my REM phase.
Giuliano Aluffi, Milan, Italy
#9. Er... hello... um... er. Oh look! Our shoes have similar spectral characteristics.
Jon White, Rampton, Cambridgeshire, UK
#10. Meiosis?
Kirstie Brogan Grace, Grays, Essex, UK
So fellow techies... pick out your favourite amongst these. Now you know wat to say to the girl whom you have beein secretly eyeing since eternity in campus/living across the street/bar. Its your day you blue eyed bastard... rock on!!
N if there are any gals reading this... care for any ethanol or citrus juice sometime with this jerk ?;)
P.S. Hope you liked the post... do punch in your valuable comments. THEY ARE MANDATORY...
N you thought science and flirting can never get along....
N you thought a hot chick with a geek is so not cool...
N you thought tech talks on a date are a strict no no...
huh??
Get a life buttheads!!!
New scientist conducted a contest and they invited cheesiest scientific pick-up lines. Responses poured in from emails as well as snail mail from across the globe. They received thousands of entries .... and boy i never knew these ppl could be so freaking imaginative.
Well, they selected the 10 best and these ppl got the opportunity to see their pick-up lines make way into the glossy pages of New scientist along with cash prize.
I'm sharing these TOP TEN CHEESIEST SCIENTIFIC PICK-UP LINES with you as follows, grow up techies... be yourself, get charming :)
#1. Would there be any resistance if I asked to take you ohm?
Emma Byrne, London, UK
#2. I love the way you smell so different from my dad.
Toshi Knell, Nowra, New South Wales, Australia
#3. Would kissing you increase global warming and damage the Arctic irreversibly, or is it just enough to break the ice?
Andy McCready, Sheffield, Yorkshire, UK
#4. I've had my ion you.
Gary Duffala, Rio Rancho, New Mexico, US
#5. Baby, you must be a start codon because you are turnin' me on.
Jessica Swanson, Stratford, Prince Edward Island, Canada
#6. I don't wish to brag, but in several parallel universes I invented the internet, warned the world about global warming, ran for president and won the Nobel peace prize.
Yonatan Silver, Jerusalem, Israel
#7. Hello, I've just taken part in the clinical trial of a new drug to help memory loss; could you tell me, do I come here often?
John French, Wellington, Somerset, UK
#8. You are definitely the woman of my REM phase.
Giuliano Aluffi, Milan, Italy
#9. Er... hello... um... er. Oh look! Our shoes have similar spectral characteristics.
Jon White, Rampton, Cambridgeshire, UK
#10. Meiosis?
Kirstie Brogan Grace, Grays, Essex, UK
So fellow techies... pick out your favourite amongst these. Now you know wat to say to the girl whom you have beein secretly eyeing since eternity in campus/living across the street/bar. Its your day you blue eyed bastard... rock on!!
N if there are any gals reading this... care for any ethanol or citrus juice sometime with this jerk ?;)
P.S. Hope you liked the post... do punch in your valuable comments. THEY ARE MANDATORY...
Sunday, June 15
OUT-STANDING
In my three years of engineering yet, i'm the only one who can proudly say that i'm the one who got kicked out the most at least in my section if not in department . But more than how many times i have been kicked out, its how n wy i got kicked out is wat is gonna make this post a fun read (hope u agree by the end).
Sometimes you drowsily sit through a lecture and ponder, 'Wat the fuck seriously!! wat is my crazy lecturer upto. Does he think that he/she is making any sense. Wy do we have to attend lectures... wy is 75%attendance necessary (yup, in VIT it is).... Wy did i join this college.... Wy did i chose to be in such a sucky department' n so on and on. N then your stream of thought is interrupted by a shrill voice..."You!! Sleeping eh?? Get out, no attendance". Mix responses swell up in your head... "Good i got kicked out, shit but i already had low attendance. Oh wat crap... m hungry".
So i got kicked out numerous times as i said earlier... but some of them were real fun. I can say i enjoyed getting kicked out :-p. M sharing some of the ones i enjoyed the most n hope you enjoy reading them too.
+ 6th sem, UEE class, Raani mam was taking a lecture (We call her Rounie coz that's how she pronounces her name). She said something silly and i started laughing. N i was laughing out pretty loud pet pakad ke. N you know how it start off with a spark and spreads throughout the jungle, like a contagious disease. Girls started giggling too. Rounie's face became red with anger when she saw me laughing. "You!!, get up and get out of the class" she screamed out with rage.
"Mam who?? me!!" I asked sincerely.
"Ya ME..GET OUT" huh?? confused, she stares at the ceiling.
"No you... Ya you, get out of class" she yelled back trying to regain her composure but still confused.
Everyone broke out in laughter, i inspite of much control could not help a wicked smirk escape out.
"Sorry ma'am" i managed trying to control bursting out in laughter.
"No!! get out, why were you laughing"
"Thank you... ma'am" grabbed my bag n out n in a split second.
Later someone (mostly Kanika) aksed, "You actually said sorry?? I could not believe my ears, how come?". I had to explain that if i had not said sorry i would have burst out in uncontrollable laughter. Truth is my eyes had started watering out of the desperate attempt to control laughter.
Well, for the record, Rounie turned out to be a complete bi#@% by the end of sem and made me to suffer through a lot. I had become her chosen one since the day i got kicked out. This one was fun...
+ This one was in fifth sem, power systems class. The best part being that i was not the only one who got kicked out. I got a beautiful company too. Me n Kanika (Nijhawan) were discussing abt.... guess wat GULAB JAMUNS. Both of us being big time foodies n bored of sleepy lecture somehow stumbled upon Gulab Jamuns to talk about of all the things. N then hamari pyaari lazy football (Cow-salya) saw us talking n aksed us to leave the class. "Why do you come to class when you don't want to study, wy disturb everyone?" she said (that too very lazily...as if she's gonna fall asleep any moment n collapse on the floor right at spot ). We got up n left n decided that we'll go to food court to kill time. I was finishing my assignment. We were talking about our respective crazy school days to pass time. But someone was very restless. "Deepak, kuch hoga to nahin na??" said Kanika very tensed. I tried distracting her, but no faaydaa. "Ma'am bahut gusse mein thi, she won't fail me in internals no??" N she kept on and on. Inspite of all consoling n all she desperation mein messaged her frenz, "M scared yaar, kuch hoga to nahin?".
Later we went n talked to Kowsalya n she said that everyone was talking in class but she snapped when she saw both of us carelessly talking.
So ultimately kuch nahin hua as i knew already....
But evolved the cutest (also the silliest) dialogue of the millenium "Kuch hoga to nahin??" I mimic her and we have a great laugh till date.
This was one time when i could avoid utter boredome after getting kicked out, thanks to Kanika.
If she's reading ... I'll love to get kicked out of class again with you ;-p.
+This one was in first year. I hated maths class. GMS sir took that class .He had such a fucked up name, that he once challenged us that it's near impossible to pronounce his name correctly. He was kind enough to write down his name on board... still we could not. The closest we got to calling his correct name was Guru Murgu Sundar Moorthi Swami or something (I don remember). So he himself suggested that we call him GMS. Anyways, like most of the classes i was drowsing in the class. But Karan was in a fit or something... as if Ramanujan's aatmaa got into his body, he started solving problems in class while i was very comfortably asleep beside him. N then Karan had the brightest doubt ... "Dude, what's cos of pi?". I somehome managed to flinch my eyes the least i could, n tried giving him a dirty look. But i was too sleepy to even do that. "Shut up" i yelled in his ears n my head slumped back on the desk. "Hey you!! Wy were you talking??". Haan.. neend gayab. I sprang up in my seat. "Who me??" i was gonna ask n then i saw it was karan who was taking the heat. "Get out" he yelled. "And you too... get out" he continued with same intensity pointing at me. Waah!! i felt.
Anyways we shamelessly grabbed out notebooks n dashed out. We were sitting in FC. I was still mad at Karan mostly for waking me up than getting me kicked out... kitne araam se so rahaa thaa.
Later when the class got over, we were walking with frenz and i was mimicking GMS..."Get out... yes you too... haha" i mimicked. N someone put a hand on my shoulder... "Kaun hai be". I turned back n then all the blood drained out off my face. Lo!!! it was GMS. "Haan.. you were kaapying (Copying) me yaah" he said with a delusive freindly smile. OMG... wat shit.
Later we met him somewhere n apologised.
"I had even given you attendance even after kicking you out of class... but you should not have copied me." he said very disappointingly.
But nevertheless, he forgave us n later we even got pretty freindly with him. Since then his classes were the once in which i never slept ... n infact started enjoying.
So these were few times i enjoyed getting kicked out. Tho there were numerous other times when i got lucky (got kicked out i mean) but these were some of the best. Hope you find them funny enough... do drop in comments. Share some of your similar adventures (or should i say misadventures)if you please to.
Getting kicked out of lectures will be the thing i'll miss the most after i finish my four years in college... I have one more semester left to attend lectures. N i pledge to make the best of it ... and to get kicked out as many times as i can ;-p.
Sometimes you drowsily sit through a lecture and ponder, 'Wat the fuck seriously!! wat is my crazy lecturer upto. Does he think that he/she is making any sense. Wy do we have to attend lectures... wy is 75%attendance necessary (yup, in VIT it is).... Wy did i join this college.... Wy did i chose to be in such a sucky department' n so on and on. N then your stream of thought is interrupted by a shrill voice..."You!! Sleeping eh?? Get out, no attendance". Mix responses swell up in your head... "Good i got kicked out, shit but i already had low attendance. Oh wat crap... m hungry".
So i got kicked out numerous times as i said earlier... but some of them were real fun. I can say i enjoyed getting kicked out :-p. M sharing some of the ones i enjoyed the most n hope you enjoy reading them too.
+ 6th sem, UEE class, Raani mam was taking a lecture (We call her Rounie coz that's how she pronounces her name). She said something silly and i started laughing. N i was laughing out pretty loud pet pakad ke. N you know how it start off with a spark and spreads throughout the jungle, like a contagious disease. Girls started giggling too. Rounie's face became red with anger when she saw me laughing. "You!!, get up and get out of the class" she screamed out with rage.
"Mam who?? me!!" I asked sincerely.
"Ya ME..GET OUT" huh?? confused, she stares at the ceiling.
"No you... Ya you, get out of class" she yelled back trying to regain her composure but still confused.
Everyone broke out in laughter, i inspite of much control could not help a wicked smirk escape out.
"Sorry ma'am" i managed trying to control bursting out in laughter.
"No!! get out, why were you laughing"
"Thank you... ma'am" grabbed my bag n out n in a split second.
Later someone (mostly Kanika) aksed, "You actually said sorry?? I could not believe my ears, how come?". I had to explain that if i had not said sorry i would have burst out in uncontrollable laughter. Truth is my eyes had started watering out of the desperate attempt to control laughter.
Well, for the record, Rounie turned out to be a complete bi#@% by the end of sem and made me to suffer through a lot. I had become her chosen one since the day i got kicked out. This one was fun...
+ This one was in fifth sem, power systems class. The best part being that i was not the only one who got kicked out. I got a beautiful company too. Me n Kanika (Nijhawan) were discussing abt.... guess wat GULAB JAMUNS. Both of us being big time foodies n bored of sleepy lecture somehow stumbled upon Gulab Jamuns to talk about of all the things. N then hamari pyaari lazy football (Cow-salya) saw us talking n aksed us to leave the class. "Why do you come to class when you don't want to study, wy disturb everyone?" she said (that too very lazily...as if she's gonna fall asleep any moment n collapse on the floor right at spot ). We got up n left n decided that we'll go to food court to kill time. I was finishing my assignment. We were talking about our respective crazy school days to pass time. But someone was very restless. "Deepak, kuch hoga to nahin na??" said Kanika very tensed. I tried distracting her, but no faaydaa. "Ma'am bahut gusse mein thi, she won't fail me in internals no??" N she kept on and on. Inspite of all consoling n all she desperation mein messaged her frenz, "M scared yaar, kuch hoga to nahin?".
Later we went n talked to Kowsalya n she said that everyone was talking in class but she snapped when she saw both of us carelessly talking.
So ultimately kuch nahin hua as i knew already....
But evolved the cutest (also the silliest) dialogue of the millenium "Kuch hoga to nahin??" I mimic her and we have a great laugh till date.
This was one time when i could avoid utter boredome after getting kicked out, thanks to Kanika.
If she's reading ... I'll love to get kicked out of class again with you ;-p.
+This one was in first year. I hated maths class. GMS sir took that class .He had such a fucked up name, that he once challenged us that it's near impossible to pronounce his name correctly. He was kind enough to write down his name on board... still we could not. The closest we got to calling his correct name was Guru Murgu Sundar Moorthi Swami or something (I don remember). So he himself suggested that we call him GMS. Anyways, like most of the classes i was drowsing in the class. But Karan was in a fit or something... as if Ramanujan's aatmaa got into his body, he started solving problems in class while i was very comfortably asleep beside him. N then Karan had the brightest doubt ... "Dude, what's cos of pi?". I somehome managed to flinch my eyes the least i could, n tried giving him a dirty look. But i was too sleepy to even do that. "Shut up" i yelled in his ears n my head slumped back on the desk. "Hey you!! Wy were you talking??". Haan.. neend gayab. I sprang up in my seat. "Who me??" i was gonna ask n then i saw it was karan who was taking the heat. "Get out" he yelled. "And you too... get out" he continued with same intensity pointing at me. Waah!! i felt.
Anyways we shamelessly grabbed out notebooks n dashed out. We were sitting in FC. I was still mad at Karan mostly for waking me up than getting me kicked out... kitne araam se so rahaa thaa.
Later when the class got over, we were walking with frenz and i was mimicking GMS..."Get out... yes you too... haha" i mimicked. N someone put a hand on my shoulder... "Kaun hai be". I turned back n then all the blood drained out off my face. Lo!!! it was GMS. "Haan.. you were kaapying (Copying) me yaah" he said with a delusive freindly smile. OMG... wat shit.
Later we met him somewhere n apologised.
"I had even given you attendance even after kicking you out of class... but you should not have copied me." he said very disappointingly.
But nevertheless, he forgave us n later we even got pretty freindly with him. Since then his classes were the once in which i never slept ... n infact started enjoying.
So these were few times i enjoyed getting kicked out. Tho there were numerous other times when i got lucky (got kicked out i mean) but these were some of the best. Hope you find them funny enough... do drop in comments. Share some of your similar adventures (or should i say misadventures)if you please to.
Getting kicked out of lectures will be the thing i'll miss the most after i finish my four years in college... I have one more semester left to attend lectures. N i pledge to make the best of it ... and to get kicked out as many times as i can ;-p.
Thursday, June 12
Ever got jitters what to talk abt in parties n llikewise??? This is for you then
This is a book review of a sexy book i got my hands on this summer by accident... Its called "How to talk to anyone" by Leil Lowndes. I'm a sucker for watching TV and all that and so get pretty bored in vacations at home generally (Besides eating good food n spending time with parents n all that blah blah...) n so i ended up reading this book in utter boredome n desperation. Though the first thought that came to my mind after reading the title.. "Huh!! that's not for me, i don't need it". But trust me ppl, read it and then u might be forced to think the other way round.
As such i never found it difficult to talk to ppl but in this book i found some amazing tips. Some of the tips i had been using by myself for long. I was amazed at how author had very objectively and lucidly described them into techniques summarizing each in one small paragraph each . I could also realize I had been making some pretty obvious mistakes while getting into conversation with ppl (Obviously they seem obvious now… silly). Well let me tell you, in spite of all skepticism about how useful the book is gonna be, I was hunting for a novel when starting for vacation on my way to home to read during travel n I stumbled on this. Now I’m happy I picked it up. It was such an amazing read. Now getting more objective to wy I liked this book so much:
Firstly, the book is divided into numerous but small chapters each containing a small conversation technique in the end to sum up. Author has very elegantly used anecdotes n real life experience for you to get the hang of being an amazing conservationist… otherwise I’m sure the book would have sucked. Examples are what makes it such an interesting read. Also author has used beautiful analogues n fantastistic clichés. For example author compares the process of conversation with a game of ping pong – “The conversational ball goes back and forth. First you speak, then your partner speaks, you speak, back and forth.” Howzat?? Idea being that when u return the return ball u leave enough room for your partner to return it back to you comfortably (metaphorically). I.e. while talking to someone you have to strive to keep it alive and never put your partner in an uncomfortable position… uncomfortable enough to make him/her zip up. Never smash … never say something so blunt or uncomfortable that your partner finds it difficult to think of a response and thus bringing your conversation to an abrupt halt. A No no… completely.
Then there are techniques which are wonderfully and very thoughtfully framed to help zombies. Some examples:
+ How to make others feel you are credible – avoid fidgeting.
+ How to make others think you are intelligent – Sticky eyes. Make direct eye contact with people while talking at all times.
+ How to win hearts – Respond to inner infants in others. Treat other ppl like grown up infants.
+ How to start a conversation with a stranger?
+ How to be a master of smart talks?
+ How to avoid sounding like a jerk?
+ How to aks someone where they live or what they do?? – Never naked.
+ How to use your eyes to make someone fall in love with you - ???. Common sucker read it yourself. Enough already
This was just a small peek into the print, there’s 92 of such techniques. N all of them rock.
So guys n gals… grab it n give it a shot. I’m sure you’ll love it. Nevermind even if you forget to thank me after that. Some lucky ones can even borrow it from me. It’ll be my pleasure if you read it n shared my views about it. N there are people I know who desperately need this book. Strong recommendation, read it.. u’ll find it is such an amaizing read.
Keep checking this page for more soon… coming up next is probably a film review. Aamir of Sarkar Raj…. Ting ting.
N happy monsoon to everyone… don’t miss getting drenched. U are a wuss if you do...
Tuesday, June 10
What if???
Its interesting to think what would have happened if things were not the way they are presently... but were slightly twisted. Try it... results are amazing.
FOr example i stumbled upon this very interesting question and the result which i could derive was pretty intriguing. What would have happened if human life on earth was based on silicon instead of carbon. Hmmmm.... lets see.
We inhale oxygen and base of our life form being carbon, we exhale carbon dioxide as carbon that we consume as food (most of it is some or other form of glucose which is a compound of carbon hydrogen and oxygen) is combusted in our body to derive energy. Now let yourself go haywire for a moment n imagine if silicon was base of life form instead of carbon. One very interesting aspect being what you exhale. Carbon based life form will exhale carbon dioxide which fortunately is a gas but for silicon based life form... ting ting.
A silicon based life form must inhale oxygen as we do but should exhale dioxide of silicon i.e. silica which is solid. So silicon based life form will exhale out silica in form of powder of bricks of silica. Nice... imagine sand pouring out of your nose. Or better you popping out a brick of silica out of your mouth every 2 minutes. Nice na...
Then probably you can imagine your house being made out of silica bricks that you exhaled.... lol. "THis is my house... made it out of my own poop" you can say then.
The possibilities are never ending. Though it is impossible to have a life form based on carbon on mother earth... still its interesting to go haywire once in a while.
IF YOU THINK YOU CAN ADD MORE TO SUCH HAYWIRE IDEAS... PLEASE DROP IN SOME IN COMMENTS....
tHInK TwiSTeD.... ;-p
FOr example i stumbled upon this very interesting question and the result which i could derive was pretty intriguing. What would have happened if human life on earth was based on silicon instead of carbon. Hmmmm.... lets see.
We inhale oxygen and base of our life form being carbon, we exhale carbon dioxide as carbon that we consume as food (most of it is some or other form of glucose which is a compound of carbon hydrogen and oxygen) is combusted in our body to derive energy. Now let yourself go haywire for a moment n imagine if silicon was base of life form instead of carbon. One very interesting aspect being what you exhale. Carbon based life form will exhale carbon dioxide which fortunately is a gas but for silicon based life form... ting ting.
A silicon based life form must inhale oxygen as we do but should exhale dioxide of silicon i.e. silica which is solid. So silicon based life form will exhale out silica in form of powder of bricks of silica. Nice... imagine sand pouring out of your nose. Or better you popping out a brick of silica out of your mouth every 2 minutes. Nice na...
Then probably you can imagine your house being made out of silica bricks that you exhaled.... lol. "THis is my house... made it out of my own poop" you can say then.
The possibilities are never ending. Though it is impossible to have a life form based on carbon on mother earth... still its interesting to go haywire once in a while.
IF YOU THINK YOU CAN ADD MORE TO SUCH HAYWIRE IDEAS... PLEASE DROP IN SOME IN COMMENTS....
tHInK TwiSTeD.... ;-p
Friday, May 23
the rowdies 5.ow!!!
MTV roadies 5.0... Bakar (read stupidfuck) goes international.
I fished this out from roadies ka original website... there's a forum dedicated to raghu. Some maniacs keep it alive. Read it just for the love of language:
+ how i attained next roadies interview (whatever i say i do!!!!!)
hello sir me Brahmananda Samal and i want to live roadies life. can i know when you will find your next roadies after roadies 5.0 . so please mail me and definately i will go for inerview and will live as roadies. can i get your canact number please. Don't think that i will negotiate with you for me to be a roadies. No i am not that kind of boy. i think what you want in a roadies and what your aim to make someone roadies that i will complete. bye take care. Raghu Bhaiya.
Here's another one...
+ i wanna next rodies
hi,
sir i want to be part of rodies not beause this is more popular in all over world beause this is right way to show myself best and what i am looking for, so tell me when next rodies happen, i hope u will read this give me right information, thinking you sir
Stop laughing re.... never hurt a roadies fan ke "scent-iments"
Roadies .. apparently India's longest reality show. Only ppl who are tough, cool and adventurous can be on this show (really??). Let me elaborate... roadies live on different part of planet. These words don't mean what they generally do to other ppl like you n me... losers, suckers n wusses. For a roadie
cool means having a fake accent, wearing jeans below their a$$holes
tough means rough n rude, innovative at abusing
n adventurous means having casual sex (for chicks) n being a jerk enough to blackmail enough your ex (for guys).
Roadies audition - thousands of people gather outside audition halls. They filled up forms and were led into GD rooms. Interestingly though not a single soul was interested in group discussion. It was like mass screaming workshop. It was a competition to see who can shout more, whoever does gets the cake (metaphorically) i.e. passes on to round 2.
Round 2 you get to meet a baldy villian and a sad VJ. They have some issues... maybe they suffered from mother's attention deficiency syndrome (M.A.D.D.) when kids. They make participants to do stuff which otherwise wud be thought of as embarassing. Roadies should be able to stand on their head, act like angry gorillas and so on. Raghu takes special interest in love life of participants. Maybe it helps in analyzing mental compatibility of participants... (huh nice!!...). He presses them for details till they are demented. After all this, they start abusing them. Nikhil starts acting like a gorilla, shouts at times and likes throwing around cold drink bottles. Raghu on the other hand is much classier. He grabs them by collar and abuses them right in their ears. Unfortunately most of it is beeped. They have arranged for someone to press profanity buzzer (read to sound a beep) whenever Raghu goes off board. The TRP ratings of the show increases exponentially with the no of beeps in each episode ironically.
After all the mishandling n abusing across the country, 14 people were selected to be on the show. They are supposed to do some tasks while on a roadtrip across the country. Yuk!! sounds boring... doesn't it ? So they script the episodes and make participants to bitch at each other's back. Girls can tug each other's hair if they want n call each other sluts, bitches n whatever else is applicable. Guys n can punch each other otherwise calling each other Bhen&^$^# and Madar&^$%# will also suffice. Then there's chemistry between guys n gals, guys n guys, n gals n gals.. ha cant think of any other combination. Participants vote out each other until n likewise till there's only one left.
There are no rules for the game... Whatever The baldy says is the rule.
Take a tawa (frying pan)... cut small peices of amazing race, grate some fear factor, add extra spice n salt and deep fry. Lo!! you got roadies. Nothing really innovative about tasks participants are to perform.
Nevertheless... after the participants have proved their mettle across india, n even abroad this time (yup... next time roadies international venue - Euthopia, Zambia and Phillipines) emerges one real roadie. He gets to take away a bike and some cash. Later he can work in a chinese restaurant or open up a dhaba or open tea/paan stall. How Kewl!!!. [for the record 4.0 winner is working as chef in chinese restaurant n the rumoured winner of 5.0 supposedly wants to open a dhaba].
By the time i finished drafting this... roadies 5.0 came to an end. Winner's dad died of heart attack the same day out of excitement. Found it funny... thought should share with u.
Giving it a thought... where are those days when ppl used to read to kill time. N then came the idiot box. Still there were times when it helped educate ppl along with help them kill time... But now we compromise on our regular chores to sit in front of this idiot box. There's a whole new generation coming up which eats, sleeps, craps in front of TV. They'll be called tube junkies....
Salute to the advent of this new era, noone should ever get bored said God n descended on earth a television. Then there were television series like roadies...
Long live roadies.... who does not want some cheap entertainment
Insanity redefined...
21 yrs of my life (ya m not 16 any more) i met so many ppl... n some i thought were pretty insane. But then i met this guy... Manoj Sharma.
I was in Baroda last summers for training n there i met Manoj. Well, formal introduction... He works for Indian Oil Corporation Limited, Barauni - Baroda (same company as my dad's), Instrumentation engineer, manufacturing department. Anyways there are legends about him... here are some.
We met first at Brahma's. Sachin came over with a bottle of vodka. "Arre, wy didn't you temme earlier, main aayaa ek minute mein" and with this Manoj dashed out n few minutes later he was back sporting a t shirt which said "Vodka - connecting people". He became more n more interesting as alcohol got absorbed in his bloodstream. Few pegs later he didnt have much idea wat he was talking about (as if he did at other times... ). Piyush did not drink but used to hang out anyways n gave us company with a sorry bottle of coke. We urged him to have one small peg but as we expected, he refused. N then Manoj had to say something ... "Yaar piyush, sahi hai tu pita nahin hai. Ekdum gandu cheez hoti hai... pata nahin log kyun peete hain". That was when i got the feel how it wud be to hang out with this guy.
He got his house go up in flames once and later almost got it drowned... read on.
After dinner Sachin n i walked upto his quarter just to drop in a hi. But we see that there's water pouring out from a pipe from his balcony (he lived on first floor). Everyone in that block is standing out... faces red n nostrils flared. "Do you know where is manoj?" enquired someone who unfortunately resided in quarter just below manoj's. "You know there's water seeping into my kitchen. Manoj probably didnt care enough but he has left a tap open somewhere in his quarter. My wife can't cook you know... wat is this yaar. This is not the first time this is happening. Tum abhi call karo use". "Oh" sachin replied with a naughty grin (he always had that on his face... even while he was sleeping. Probably it was a facial defect). We call manoj to discover he's watching a movie in inox...
"arrey seems like your quarter is flooded, did you keep a tap on or something"
"Kya malum yaar... wy do you care."
"Everyone in your block is gonna kill you... come back A.S.A.P"
"Mad or wat... do you realize i bought movie ticket for 150 bucks.. do i look like i'm gonna come back for that"
Everyone heard that... sachin was kind enough to put the call on speaker.
After that manoj tried calling some of his frenz who allegedly had spare keys to his quarter but amazingly all of them had lost it.
Manoj's neighbours were no less than dragons today... but nevermind. Manoj returned at 11 in night after finishing his movie. Heard later that he had some interesting conversation with his neighbours till 1 AM.
Manoj tried explaining to his neighbours that he was doing dishes last night (liar!! he was too lazy to cook at home... he ate in bachelor's mess. wat dishes??). And apparently tap ran out of water n he left the soiled dishes n probably might have forgotten about turning off the tap.
There was water everywhere in his quarter... you could see things floating around in his living room. Amazing scene... Manoj was sweating managing the flood n sachin was busy taking snaps from his camera. Rare moments... say jeez.
Then there's the legend about him when he got his quarter up in flames. He was a big time smoker, 6-7 packs/day were usual. He liked to lie in his bed like a lazy buffalo n fagged, blowing jets of white smoke on the face of his brand new AC (thank god ACs cant get cancer..) while switching channels watching exactly nothing. He had put a small carton by the edge of his bed. He was too lazy to go buy an ash tray or even a trash bin for that matter. He used to put out his buts on table n threw the buts into carton. Table's sun-mica top had cigg burns all over n when his parents visited him he explained his mother (abt the table n its fucked up top) that on diwali nite he had put diyas onto the table n accidentally he spilled oil n it caught fire... how smart that one?. Anyways one fine evening as usual he had his last cigg before dinner n went off to mess. Moments later he gets a call from sachin "Tere ghar mein aag lagi hai shayad". U could see flames thru the glass panes of his window. Manoj - "Yeh koi mazaak karne ka waqt hai, ruk jaa m having my dinner... wait outside my house i'll be there in 5 mins". By the time he came back half the colony was there below his quarter watching it cough out thick black smoke out of one of the ventilators.
Later, when the fire was put out it was quite a scene in there. His computer monitor had melted half way. His washing machine had bulged coz of the heat like a pregnant lady's belly. His refrigerator had become pale yellow. Walls n ceilings were covered with black soot n couch was non existent now except for some rags n burnt wood. Tho the bedroom survived fire. For the record, he still has that computer with half a monitor. He still uses that refrigerator n washing machine.
He always adressed me like "Oye hero" whenever we bumped into each other. But i knew better... i later discovered he could never remember my name.
We once made him treat us desserts at a 4 star restaurant. It so happened that he was getting desperate to go buy himself a pack of ciggs as he had run out of them. We told him the fastest way out of the restuarant was if he cleared the check. N guess he did...
Last day of my stay at baroda he comes to my house hands me a gunny bad full of stuff "keep this... i'll take it back later, or just do away with it. My parents are coming tomorrow". Later i was to discover that gunny bag had a bottle of whiskey, magazines n lot of dvds. I had no way of finding out wat was in those dvds as i didnt have a comp there then, but you must have guessed it already. My farewell gift to Bhramha was a bottle of whiskey n some dvds.
An yr later after my training i.e. yesterday i visited his profile on orkut n arrived to a startling revelation.. HE GOT MARRIED. I congratulated him in his scrapbook n sent him a teaser "Seeing you married and happy is reassuring... if you got married then maybe even i can find myself a gal... lol"
I was in Baroda last summers for training n there i met Manoj. Well, formal introduction... He works for Indian Oil Corporation Limited, Barauni - Baroda (same company as my dad's), Instrumentation engineer, manufacturing department. Anyways there are legends about him... here are some.
We met first at Brahma's. Sachin came over with a bottle of vodka. "Arre, wy didn't you temme earlier, main aayaa ek minute mein" and with this Manoj dashed out n few minutes later he was back sporting a t shirt which said "Vodka - connecting people". He became more n more interesting as alcohol got absorbed in his bloodstream. Few pegs later he didnt have much idea wat he was talking about (as if he did at other times... ). Piyush did not drink but used to hang out anyways n gave us company with a sorry bottle of coke. We urged him to have one small peg but as we expected, he refused. N then Manoj had to say something ... "Yaar piyush, sahi hai tu pita nahin hai. Ekdum gandu cheez hoti hai... pata nahin log kyun peete hain". That was when i got the feel how it wud be to hang out with this guy.
He got his house go up in flames once and later almost got it drowned... read on.
After dinner Sachin n i walked upto his quarter just to drop in a hi. But we see that there's water pouring out from a pipe from his balcony (he lived on first floor). Everyone in that block is standing out... faces red n nostrils flared. "Do you know where is manoj?" enquired someone who unfortunately resided in quarter just below manoj's. "You know there's water seeping into my kitchen. Manoj probably didnt care enough but he has left a tap open somewhere in his quarter. My wife can't cook you know... wat is this yaar. This is not the first time this is happening. Tum abhi call karo use". "Oh" sachin replied with a naughty grin (he always had that on his face... even while he was sleeping. Probably it was a facial defect). We call manoj to discover he's watching a movie in inox...
"arrey seems like your quarter is flooded, did you keep a tap on or something"
"Kya malum yaar... wy do you care."
"Everyone in your block is gonna kill you... come back A.S.A.P"
"Mad or wat... do you realize i bought movie ticket for 150 bucks.. do i look like i'm gonna come back for that"
Everyone heard that... sachin was kind enough to put the call on speaker.
After that manoj tried calling some of his frenz who allegedly had spare keys to his quarter but amazingly all of them had lost it.
Manoj's neighbours were no less than dragons today... but nevermind. Manoj returned at 11 in night after finishing his movie. Heard later that he had some interesting conversation with his neighbours till 1 AM.
Manoj tried explaining to his neighbours that he was doing dishes last night (liar!! he was too lazy to cook at home... he ate in bachelor's mess. wat dishes??). And apparently tap ran out of water n he left the soiled dishes n probably might have forgotten about turning off the tap.
There was water everywhere in his quarter... you could see things floating around in his living room. Amazing scene... Manoj was sweating managing the flood n sachin was busy taking snaps from his camera. Rare moments... say jeez.
Then there's the legend about him when he got his quarter up in flames. He was a big time smoker, 6-7 packs/day were usual. He liked to lie in his bed like a lazy buffalo n fagged, blowing jets of white smoke on the face of his brand new AC (thank god ACs cant get cancer..) while switching channels watching exactly nothing. He had put a small carton by the edge of his bed. He was too lazy to go buy an ash tray or even a trash bin for that matter. He used to put out his buts on table n threw the buts into carton. Table's sun-mica top had cigg burns all over n when his parents visited him he explained his mother (abt the table n its fucked up top) that on diwali nite he had put diyas onto the table n accidentally he spilled oil n it caught fire... how smart that one?. Anyways one fine evening as usual he had his last cigg before dinner n went off to mess. Moments later he gets a call from sachin "Tere ghar mein aag lagi hai shayad". U could see flames thru the glass panes of his window. Manoj - "Yeh koi mazaak karne ka waqt hai, ruk jaa m having my dinner... wait outside my house i'll be there in 5 mins". By the time he came back half the colony was there below his quarter watching it cough out thick black smoke out of one of the ventilators.
Later, when the fire was put out it was quite a scene in there. His computer monitor had melted half way. His washing machine had bulged coz of the heat like a pregnant lady's belly. His refrigerator had become pale yellow. Walls n ceilings were covered with black soot n couch was non existent now except for some rags n burnt wood. Tho the bedroom survived fire. For the record, he still has that computer with half a monitor. He still uses that refrigerator n washing machine.
He always adressed me like "Oye hero" whenever we bumped into each other. But i knew better... i later discovered he could never remember my name.
We once made him treat us desserts at a 4 star restaurant. It so happened that he was getting desperate to go buy himself a pack of ciggs as he had run out of them. We told him the fastest way out of the restuarant was if he cleared the check. N guess he did...
Last day of my stay at baroda he comes to my house hands me a gunny bad full of stuff "keep this... i'll take it back later, or just do away with it. My parents are coming tomorrow". Later i was to discover that gunny bag had a bottle of whiskey, magazines n lot of dvds. I had no way of finding out wat was in those dvds as i didnt have a comp there then, but you must have guessed it already. My farewell gift to Bhramha was a bottle of whiskey n some dvds.
An yr later after my training i.e. yesterday i visited his profile on orkut n arrived to a startling revelation.. HE GOT MARRIED. I congratulated him in his scrapbook n sent him a teaser "Seeing you married and happy is reassuring... if you got married then maybe even i can find myself a gal... lol"
Thursday, May 22
Duck everyone!!!!
This is one incident that i'll probably never forget.... read on
I was in 9th standard i guess n i always used to hang out with my seniors from 10th. We were a gang of half a dozen boyz. One of them was vijay n the amazing part being that his dad was pretty cool about him taking out his car for a spin... golden special edition zen. He was notorious in the whole colony for his rough driving. He could make that cute little car skid, screech n all that. All n all he had roughed up his car so much that i'm afraid i would not be able to do justice trying to describe it.
One fine evening he came to pick me up at my home. I saw Ali, Varun, Sarkar, Bhaskar were already in n finally after much hesitation i hopped in. Now to be technically exact we were circling around the colony coz we didnt have any other job anyways n it was vijay's god forsaken perogative. Sarkar got bored n lighted a cigarette (big time nicotine junkie he was one).
My english teacher Mrs. Komalavali (that's her real name trust me) used to live on one peaceful corner of the colony. It was particularly peaceful there in evenings n she was having her evening coffee with her husband. By the way she was one hell of a genious regarding how she scolded the students everday. We were all scared of her... when she would start lecturing she'll yap till eternity. She'll shout, scream n after sometime your ears will go numb n then it wont matter. You'll be standing with hands at back, staring at your shirt's button making a sorry face as if you were absorbing all that was coming out of her mouth. Anyways wat she didn't know was that a golden zen was gonna zap through right in front of her n then bounce frantically on a speed breaker n when she'll try to see who's inside n she wouldn't see anyone.
Vijay took a tight turn n before we could settle down after that tremendous G-force stopped acting on us we see... Lo!!.. Komalavali ma'am is sitting in her verandah sipping her coffee on this peaceful evening. There was a sudden surge of panic... "Abey komalavali... f*&(*, kal class mein sunaegi pukka". N before sarkar finished saying... all of us ducked down but vijay. N how could he... who wud drive then. "Ya all of you hide your sorry faces below the seats like ostriches n wat i'm supposed to do. I'll also duck. Screw all of you... gaadi jaayegi khadde mein. Sab maroge" shouted vijay. He tried to hide his face but in the effort he missed noticing a bump right ahead. Car bounced on the bump @ say 60kmph. Shock absorbers moaned that day n creeked... N thud karke all our heads hit the roof.
Mostly she had seen us n were pretty sure tomorrow was gonna be a wonderful day. We returned back to out homes with sore head n vijay's car got a hole in one of its leather seats. Sarkar didn't bother abt the lighted but in his hand when he ducked for cover (in case you hadn't figured that out already). Vijay later had to threaten his driver to cook up some story for that.
Next day second hr was english. Here she comes... i was gathering all my strength. I would need it when she starts throwing her verbal darts right in front of all my classmates. N there it was after she placed her purse on teacher's desk "Did i see you yesterday evening ?". "I dont think so... i was back at home with parents. Wy do you ask ma'am". I could see her face turning red.. it might catch fire anytime. Plus she has a volatile brain i knew (metaphorically)."Oh i should meet your parents once... i think. They'll be happy to know whom u roam around with." It went on n on... i'm not sure for how long. When it was over the class was dumbfounded n everyone was staring at me.
The best part being she did accidentally bump into my parents near the shopping complex the same evening. N when dad asked her.. "How's deepak doin with studies in class?". "Na.. he's just fine. Don't you worry" This was all she said with a warm grin.
I miss vijay, ali, varun... n everyone. N lastly even komolavali ma'am... i don believe it that i'm saying this but she was the one of the best teacher i've ever came across.
This one's for her...
I was in 9th standard i guess n i always used to hang out with my seniors from 10th. We were a gang of half a dozen boyz. One of them was vijay n the amazing part being that his dad was pretty cool about him taking out his car for a spin... golden special edition zen. He was notorious in the whole colony for his rough driving. He could make that cute little car skid, screech n all that. All n all he had roughed up his car so much that i'm afraid i would not be able to do justice trying to describe it.
One fine evening he came to pick me up at my home. I saw Ali, Varun, Sarkar, Bhaskar were already in n finally after much hesitation i hopped in. Now to be technically exact we were circling around the colony coz we didnt have any other job anyways n it was vijay's god forsaken perogative. Sarkar got bored n lighted a cigarette (big time nicotine junkie he was one).
My english teacher Mrs. Komalavali (that's her real name trust me) used to live on one peaceful corner of the colony. It was particularly peaceful there in evenings n she was having her evening coffee with her husband. By the way she was one hell of a genious regarding how she scolded the students everday. We were all scared of her... when she would start lecturing she'll yap till eternity. She'll shout, scream n after sometime your ears will go numb n then it wont matter. You'll be standing with hands at back, staring at your shirt's button making a sorry face as if you were absorbing all that was coming out of her mouth. Anyways wat she didn't know was that a golden zen was gonna zap through right in front of her n then bounce frantically on a speed breaker n when she'll try to see who's inside n she wouldn't see anyone.
Vijay took a tight turn n before we could settle down after that tremendous G-force stopped acting on us we see... Lo!!.. Komalavali ma'am is sitting in her verandah sipping her coffee on this peaceful evening. There was a sudden surge of panic... "Abey komalavali... f*&(*, kal class mein sunaegi pukka". N before sarkar finished saying... all of us ducked down but vijay. N how could he... who wud drive then. "Ya all of you hide your sorry faces below the seats like ostriches n wat i'm supposed to do. I'll also duck. Screw all of you... gaadi jaayegi khadde mein. Sab maroge" shouted vijay. He tried to hide his face but in the effort he missed noticing a bump right ahead. Car bounced on the bump @ say 60kmph. Shock absorbers moaned that day n creeked... N thud karke all our heads hit the roof.
Mostly she had seen us n were pretty sure tomorrow was gonna be a wonderful day. We returned back to out homes with sore head n vijay's car got a hole in one of its leather seats. Sarkar didn't bother abt the lighted but in his hand when he ducked for cover (in case you hadn't figured that out already). Vijay later had to threaten his driver to cook up some story for that.
Next day second hr was english. Here she comes... i was gathering all my strength. I would need it when she starts throwing her verbal darts right in front of all my classmates. N there it was after she placed her purse on teacher's desk "Did i see you yesterday evening ?". "I dont think so... i was back at home with parents. Wy do you ask ma'am". I could see her face turning red.. it might catch fire anytime. Plus she has a volatile brain i knew (metaphorically)."Oh i should meet your parents once... i think. They'll be happy to know whom u roam around with." It went on n on... i'm not sure for how long. When it was over the class was dumbfounded n everyone was staring at me.
The best part being she did accidentally bump into my parents near the shopping complex the same evening. N when dad asked her.. "How's deepak doin with studies in class?". "Na.. he's just fine. Don't you worry" This was all she said with a warm grin.
I miss vijay, ali, varun... n everyone. N lastly even komolavali ma'am... i don believe it that i'm saying this but she was the one of the best teacher i've ever came across.
This one's for her...
Wednesday, May 21
My generation
This was an article i wrote last summer at home. To be honest the first article i wrote after i got into college. Btw this was published in my college's souvenier... hope you enjoy reading.
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MY GENERATION
They call my generation, generation x, generation y, generation new, generation now and god knows what not.
My generation is also called irresponsible, careless and called very often as a matter of fact (every day every moment). So what is my generation like??
My generation… Hmm. My generation….
My generation is inspired
My generation is intense
My generation is creative
My generation is hard working
We are not careless… we just care less. We make movies, cars, liquor, buildings, computers and we make them better than people all around the world do (in other countries). We make difference, we make India. The new India.
My generation is beautiful
My generation is sensible
My generation is smart
My generation is rich
My generation does not struggle to survive as our forefathers did. Every day was a struggle to survive… But not for my generation. We know (most of us) that we’ll survive anyways. But we don’t just want to live, we want to live well.
We strive to make India a superpower
My generation is strong
My generation is independent
We have come to realize of our hidden potential. We know we ought to be better off than we already are. We are like dolphins who are rushing to the surface who just realized it needs to breathe; it needs to gallop above water. Others please take notice and applause.
So all said, my generation is invincible. Is it?
No… my generation is confused.
My generation is wasted
My generation is distracted
We don’t know what we want. We lose our way very often. We need other people to show us the way but we don’t know or are not sure that “the way” shown by others is the best for us. We don’t listen… We don’t want anyone to tell us what to do…
My generation is a rebel. My generation…
My generation is jobless
My generation is a mob
My generation is rapist
How many people get the education they deserve? Only 9% of young India consists of engineers, doctors, entrepreneurs… others. They are illiterate farmers, labourers. And a huge percentage chooses to waste itself by being part of mob, petty burglars, thieves, pickpockets and ugly rapists.
My generation listens to music people think is noise, they wear pants low enough to show off their jockeys, Dolce & Gabbana’s. They pay thousand bucks to get hairdo as if they just got up from the bed.
My generation is crazy
My generation is marauder(/s)
My generation is moron
My generation is easy to spoil. It’s easy to make us drink, smoke, do drugs. It’s easy to get us wasted. Just tell us it’s cool.
My generation is wannabe
My generation takes part in petty selfish politics, does strikes, bandhs, burns down shops and buses. Is India already not having enough trouble to progress?
All said, all heard my generation still drives my nation towards progress at a blinding and staggering speed of 8% GDP growth per annum. Because we think we can fly and we try.
With all the questions unanswered… I’ll like to conclude this essay. Leaving u to think, analyze the prospective.
My generation is young
My generation is a pool of fish. But they don’t know where to go. There’s an endless ocean around, full of opportunities, full of dangers. But very soon we’ll figure out where to go and we’ll go together taking nation with us… won’t we?
My generation is bureaucratic
My generation is intellectual
My generation is me…
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
MY GENERATION
They call my generation, generation x, generation y, generation new, generation now and god knows what not.
My generation is also called irresponsible, careless and called very often as a matter of fact (every day every moment). So what is my generation like??
My generation… Hmm. My generation….
My generation is inspired
My generation is intense
My generation is creative
My generation is hard working
We are not careless… we just care less. We make movies, cars, liquor, buildings, computers and we make them better than people all around the world do (in other countries). We make difference, we make India. The new India.
My generation is beautiful
My generation is sensible
My generation is smart
My generation is rich
My generation does not struggle to survive as our forefathers did. Every day was a struggle to survive… But not for my generation. We know (most of us) that we’ll survive anyways. But we don’t just want to live, we want to live well.
We strive to make India a superpower
My generation is strong
My generation is independent
We have come to realize of our hidden potential. We know we ought to be better off than we already are. We are like dolphins who are rushing to the surface who just realized it needs to breathe; it needs to gallop above water. Others please take notice and applause.
So all said, my generation is invincible. Is it?
No… my generation is confused.
My generation is wasted
My generation is distracted
We don’t know what we want. We lose our way very often. We need other people to show us the way but we don’t know or are not sure that “the way” shown by others is the best for us. We don’t listen… We don’t want anyone to tell us what to do…
My generation is a rebel. My generation…
My generation is jobless
My generation is a mob
My generation is rapist
How many people get the education they deserve? Only 9% of young India consists of engineers, doctors, entrepreneurs… others. They are illiterate farmers, labourers. And a huge percentage chooses to waste itself by being part of mob, petty burglars, thieves, pickpockets and ugly rapists.
My generation listens to music people think is noise, they wear pants low enough to show off their jockeys, Dolce & Gabbana’s. They pay thousand bucks to get hairdo as if they just got up from the bed.
My generation is crazy
My generation is marauder(/s)
My generation is moron
My generation is easy to spoil. It’s easy to make us drink, smoke, do drugs. It’s easy to get us wasted. Just tell us it’s cool.
My generation is wannabe
My generation takes part in petty selfish politics, does strikes, bandhs, burns down shops and buses. Is India already not having enough trouble to progress?
All said, all heard my generation still drives my nation towards progress at a blinding and staggering speed of 8% GDP growth per annum. Because we think we can fly and we try.
With all the questions unanswered… I’ll like to conclude this essay. Leaving u to think, analyze the prospective.
My generation is young
My generation is a pool of fish. But they don’t know where to go. There’s an endless ocean around, full of opportunities, full of dangers. But very soon we’ll figure out where to go and we’ll go together taking nation with us… won’t we?
My generation is bureaucratic
My generation is intellectual
My generation is me…
For smoker brethren...
Stumbled upon this somewhere.... worth reading.
This is wy you should smoke...
+ You will always have something to do with your hands.
+ To avoid headaches later in the day, always have a cigarette first thing in the morning.
+ If you work with explosives, you have a handy method of lighting the fuse.
+ Smoking is a good career move if you want early retirement and would like to use up your sick leave.
+ On New Years Eve you don't have to go out to the fireworks. Just dip your cigarette into a jar of ground up sparklers.
+ Amuse your friends and be the life of the party by blowing smoke rings.
+ Always discard your butts in flower pots and garden beds as it helps fertilise the plants and keeps insects away.
+ Occasional house fires will help keep firemen employed.
+ By buying cigarettes from corner stores, you help support local businesses and help retain the fabric of our society.
+ At the beach, children can use the butts to decorate their sand castles.
+ Annoy neighbours you don't like by staying home and smoking heavily.
+ You will always have a good reason for loitering - "Officer, I'm just having a cigarette".
+ Always smoke when you are pregnant. Your smoking helps the unborn baby prepare for the air pollution in the real world.
+ When your neighbour's kids are too noisy, trigger their asthma by breathing smoke on them.
+ By smoking heavily, you get out of boring work and will have plenty of short breaks during the day.
+ Develop your cool image and fun-loving personality by being a smoker. Non smoking is for wimps and wusses.
+ You will have a good reason to paint the ceilings every three years.
+ Why celebrate world no-tobacco day once a year, when every day can be celebrated as a pro-tobacco day.
+ You will know when it's time to throw out your old lounge suite by the number of burn marks.
Smoking is an adult custom. Add years to how old you look by smoking heavily.
+ If you run out of smokes late at night, help the taxi industry by getting them to deliver your smokes to the door.
+ You can demand more services and benefits from the government because you have paid more in taxes.
+ Help keep the bush fire brigades trained and ready for any emergency by throwing lighted butts from your car window.
+ Keep your weight down by smoking cigarettes instead of eating them.
N ppl say smoking is not good... D'oh. Try at your nearest fag shop today...
I thot of submitting this slogan on world health day but never did.... it goes like:
Why should i care, why should i bother,
Its my lungs that i want to smother.
Hi
hey frenz,
I'm new to blogging but the idea is enticisng. I have written some articles for my college souveniers but was never aware of blogging. Blog is a uncensored unfiltered portal to put up your views. So keep checking out this place for some interesting read every now n then.... happy reading
I'm new to blogging but the idea is enticisng. I have written some articles for my college souveniers but was never aware of blogging. Blog is a uncensored unfiltered portal to put up your views. So keep checking out this place for some interesting read every now n then.... happy reading
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